Protect Me From What I Want
by melancholy-angel
Summary: Harry's summer is filled with drugs sex and exploration. how will he fit back into the routine life at hogwarts and what happens when a blonde headed slytherin notices the change in him?
1. Nancy boy

A/N ok well welcome to my story. I don't own anything you recognize and anything you don't I own, ok? No money's being made… no infringements were purposely destroyed etc etc.

Any way basically I've corrupted Harry. It will end up being a draco harry fic so if ur not into that kinda thing don't read, ok? As you may be able to tell I desperately need a beta so if anyone's leave your e-mail when you review?

Harry struggled to open his bloodshot eyes. He tried to lift his hand so he could rub them but found it trapped. Looking down Harry found a young girl splayed naked over him, her face once beautifully done up was now smudged and disgusting. Harry gave one sharp tug, not caring if he woke the young girl or not. Swinging his legs over the side of the single bed he stumbled down the corridor in search of a bathroom. He couldn't quiet remember where he was, it looked like a drop in centre of some sort, each room Harry past seemed to be filled with the same destroyed youth.

Finally he reached the end of the corridor and pushed the door open, finding a sink and a filthy toilet, not a shower in sight.

"Damn," Harry thought. He knew he was meeting Ron and Hermione later that day to go to the Burrow and didn't want to turn up smelling like alcohol and sex. Scratching his bare stomach Harry turned the tap on, which chocked and struggled for a minute before letting out a gush of water. Harry cleaned himself best he could before walking back to the "bedroom" he had woken up in to claim the rest of his clothes.

His latest conquest was still sleeping, the sheet covering only up to her waist, Harry shook his head. The girl looked so young and small, like a little girl playing dress ups. Where was the vixen that had flirted so openly with him the night before? The street wise beauty that he had wanted to tame. He snorted and shook his head again, Harry had turned into a softy because now even his one night stands seemed poetic to him. Pulling the sheet up to the girl's neck he dressed and left, sauntering down through the filthy streets, the puddles of dirty water shining with early morning sunlight.

Harry wasn't sure what had turned him this way. It was like a light switched on saying if he was going to die soon he may as well live life to the fullest while he still could. Actually that was a lie. He did now what had led him down the path to the underworld of society. And its name was Sarah.

He had first seen her at the park near the Dursleys, her and a group of her friends were crowded around and on the swing set and when Harry first saw them he thought they were a bunch of mad bastards. They all had their hair died, not a natural among them, most of them had it plain black but others, Sarah included, had it lurid colors such as blues' purples and greens. She sat in the middle, a cigarette in her hand, the smoke twirling upwards and disappearing into the night sky. She had bright green eyes and her hair was purple with light pink streaks. She had her labret and nose pierced and he hadn't known until later she also had her tongue done. She talked animatedly about anything and everything, she had a slight lisp which you only noticed if you listened carefully, her eyes bright and the hand which wasn't clutching the cigarette was always moving.

She looked up and caught him staring at her; she flashed him a smile, her white teeth outlined by her bright red lipstick.

"Come here?" she had asked, still smiling. All of her friends turned to stare at him to, some of the guys jeered, one of them even said " leave the norm alone will you Sar?" but she merely rolled her eyes and gestured for him to join her again.

"I'm Sarah," she said when he had finally screwed up the courage to join her and her friends.

"Harry," he said, stuffing his hands into a pair of Dudley's old jeans, held up by a black leather belt Hermione had given him. You'd think by now his friends would have realized he needed clothes instead of the books about quidditch they were always giving him.

"Oh, you're that asshole's cousin. The one that things he's so gangster right? Him and those three little freaks that follow him around. Beating on little kids. Are you like him to Harry, hmm? Do you like to beat up little boys to," she questioned him; there was no anger in her tone.

"Nuh. Dudley's a dick. He only beats up little boys because he can't have them. Closet poofter."

"Oi, the word poofter or referring to being homosexual as a negative isn't accepted here," one of the guys said, glaring at him, his heavily made up eyes filled with hatred.

"I didn't think you were that type. You seem nice enough," Sarah had said. Looking around the group as though daring anyone to challenge her. No one did so Harry was accepted into the group with reluctantly open arms. And that's how it had begun.

He had experienced all his firsts with Sarah in the first 2 weeks that he knew her. His first sexual experience. His first alcohol experience. His first drug experience and his first look into a world he could be comfortable and himself in. 2 days after he had first met Sarah and her group of 10 close knit friends he already felt comfortable. The hostility that existed when Sarah first welcomed him had disappeared and he had spent all his waking hours with them. Most of them lived only streets away and the Dursleys no longer cared where he went as long as he wasn't home.

On the 5th day after meeting Sarah he had finally gone out with her just the two of them. They had gone to into the city and down some streets Harry had never even known to exist. They went op shopping and Sarah bought Harry a knew wardrobe for very little money, enjoying using him as a Barbie doll to dress up as she liked.

It surprised Harry at how powerful and sexy he felt in the clothes she chose for him. A tattered black knee length coat, some old lace up boots, a pair of black pants and a grey shirt later they headed towards a café on the corner, Harry's arm possessively around Sarah's waste, holding her close to him. He loved the smell of her. She smelled of incense, shampoo and perfume. Her own scent and it was intoxicating. They sat at that café for hours, just talking about life, before Sarah took him down a back alley and they had sex. It was dirty, public and quick, but it was one of the most erotic things Harry had ever experienced. He was now hooked on her like a drug.

She took him to bars and clubs, getting him in by bribing the security. They bought drinks and drug cocktails that kept them awake all night and half the next day before they fell asleep in each others arms.

Two weeks later Harry saw her in the arms of another guy. He didn't feel his heart break, he didn't hate her, and he didn't even hate him. He knew she was like this when they had met and he had become her victim any way. Her project. He was thankful she had because she had awoken a knew side to him and he loved it.

Harry smiled at the memory of Sarah as he found his way back to the Dursley's. He had seen her often and was always greeted like a long lost friend. There had been many girls since Sarah. But none of them quit met the standards Sarah set. They say you always judge every girl by the first you experience, and it was true.

Harry opened the Dursleys front door and was met by a screaming Aunt Petunia. "Where have you been? All night you've been gone! You were meant to do chores before you left yesterday! What do u think u can stay here for free do you, you ungrateful boy," she screeched following him up the stairs and to his bedroom.

"Shut it will you? Ron and Hermione will be here soon which means u won't have to deal with me for a whole year so try and make these last few minutes pleasant?" he asked, flashing her a grin.

Petunia stormed off leaving Harry to pack his trunk. On top of his completed homework, quills, parchment, clothes and books he placed his Discman and collection of burnt CD's he had gotten off Sarah. Her dad was loaded and was always buying her stuff to make up for the fact that he had completely missed her childhood. Harry locked his trunk and Grabbed Hedwig's cage, startling Hedwig out of her stupor. She immediately began squawking, flapping her wings and struggling to remain on her perch as Harry thundered down the stairs and out the door, yelling goodbye to the Dursleys just as a black Ministry car pulled up out the front. Harry raised his eye brows as his two best friends friendly faces smiled up at him from the wound down window.

"Harry! You look... different?" Hermione said, looking him up and down.

"The ministry decided to send you a ministry car. Perhaps an apology for their dick-headedness last year eh?" his friend Ron said opening the car door and shifting over a seat so Harry could get in. a ministry worker piled Harry's trunk and Hedwig into the trunk, assuring Harry Hedwig would be perfectly safe.

"So Harry, what have you been up to this summer?" Hermione asked, leaning forward to see past Ron.

Alls Harry could do was smile


	2. Forbidden exceptions

Harry clambered into the car and let himself sink into the comfort of the leather seat. He had hardly slept the night before and it was beginning to catch up with him. His eyelids felt heavy and he couldn't help but yawn openly.

"When we get home you should have a sleep mate, you look dead tired," Ron said, watching his almost unrecognizable friend. He had been worried about Harry all summer because his letters went un-answered, that is until he sent an invitation for Harry to spend the last week of the holidays at the burrow. He knew Harry was alive and ok because if he wasn't he would of heard from Dumbledore but he knew something must be wrong. He had just assumed Harry was taking Sirius's death really hard and just needed some time alone but seeing him now he knew it must be something different.

Harry's usual dress of over sized jeans and jumpers that snuck their way down his knees had been replaced by slightly baggy black pants and a black button up shirt. His black hair was as untamed as ever but was now past his ears, a tangled black mane framing his pale white face. His clothes looked slept in but his blood shot eyes told a completely different story.

The rest of the trip past in silence. Harry noticed Ron's hand gripping Hermione's on her lap and raised his eyebrows. Ron blushed and tried to pull his hand away but Hermione held on.

"Bout time," Harry muttered and Ron wasn't sure whether it was because he and Hermione had finally gotten together or because they had arrived. Mrs Weasley was waiting at the front door for them looking both tired and relieved. She clutched Harry when he got close enough and rested her head on his chest; he had grown since she had last seen him.

"Oh Harry dear, it's so good to see you again. The others are all inside waiting for you, and might I say you look very smart in your new clothes," she cooed, grinning up at him. He grinned back and went back to the car to retrieve his forgotten trunk. Ron lifted the other end and Hermione grabbed Hedwig's cage before they all trudged inside. The Weasley's lounge room was full to capacity; every surface had a bottom on it. When Harry entered they all looked up, all face's plastered with a grin, all that is except Remus's, who was sitting in the very corner of the room staring up at the ceiling. Harry greeted them all in turn, his cheeks beginning to hurt form smiling, until he got to Remus.

"Professor Lupin?" Harry said tentatively. The form in the chair stiffened.

"Hello Harry," Remus shook his head hard and his face melted into a grin. "It's so good to see you safe and well. How has your summer been?"

"Fine professor, just fine," Harry said shaking the man's outstretched hand.

All the Weasley children had turned up to greet Harry. Everyone, that is, except Percy. Though he was able to admit he was wrong he still couldn't face his family. Remus was the only none Weasley present except Hermione. After further greetings and conversation the group moved outside to spread out on the two tables the Weasley's had set up. Harry moved slightly behind the rest of the group, Ginny noticed and pulled back to walk with him.

"I like your new look," she said, pulling Harry's t-shirt lightly.

"Their just clothes," he said shrugging. If he knew people were going to make such a big deal out of it he would have remained in his old clothes.

"It's not just the outfit, you just seem… different, and I like it." Harry grinned at her and swung his arm over her shoulders.

"Well I'm glad someone does."

Harry enjoyed being back at the burrow. He didn't realize how much he had missed his friends until he found out how good it was to be around them again. Though on his 4th day he was beginning to feel smothered, especially after the lecture he got off Mrs Weasley when she found him smoking in the backyard with Fred and George. That night he stayed up late sitting on the couch thinking, just so he could have some time to himself. He was beginning to realize how Ron felt constantly having a house full of people to constantly contend with.

It was almost 1 in the morning when Harry first heard it. Quiet sobbing which slowly became louder and more pronounced. Harry made his way up the stair case, carefully avoiding the stairs he knew creaked when pressure was applied. He pressed his ear against each door in turn, trying to find the source of the noise before finally arriving at Ginny's door. He pushed it open and was shocked to see her sitting on the bed, her knees drawn up to her chest and her face in her hands, sobbing violently.

"Gin? Ginny? What's wrong?" Harry asked, walking in quickly and closing the door behind him before sitting on the bed next to her.

"I just got an owl from Seamus. He's broken up with me," Ginny sobbed, looking up. Harry pulled her onto his lap and bundled her up like a child, kissing the top of her head. He kept whispering that it would be ok until Ginny was finally able to stop crying, she looked up at him, her tear stained cheeks slightly pink.

"Sorry For waking you Harry," she said, resting her forehead in the crook of his neck.

"Don't mention it, I was awake any way, do you want me to go?" Harry asked pulling away from her and looking into her eyes.

"Please don't. I don't want to be left alone tonight," Ginny said.

Harry didn't need to be asked twice. He knew this girl was his best friends little sister, a completely no go zone, but he was drawn to a victim. His favorite sexual encounters had been with girls to upset to know better. He loved wrapping them in his arms and for those minute or hours making them feel safe and loved.

He looked down at Ginny. Her eyes closed with her mouth slightly open, moaning softly she dug her finger nails into his back and dragged downwards. Harry arched his back and continued to thrust into her, if she wanted to get rough he was more then willing to comply. Harry had been blind to how much Ginny had matured and blossomed. He had, in his ignorance, expected her to be a virgin but found instead a girl who was able to match each of Harry's moves with her own.

"Make me feel good Harry," she had said in his ear before sinking her teeth into his shoulder, and Harry had certainly tried his best. The next morning Harry awoke to an empty bed. The bedclothes were around his belly button and though it was warm Harry shuddered. After a night of sex it was usually him doing the early morning dash, this had been the first time it was the other way around.

A/N ok that wasn't just a meaningless sex scene I assure it. It plays a pretty shiny role in this plot so remember it. I wrote this at work on my lunch break so I hope it doesn't seem rushed or anything. I keep having random ideas for this story so I assure you I won't let it die! Shall I answer some reviews? I was going to do this before I started the chapter but now you can just skip it if you wish

Fain Sadi

Its mine to, I've been listening to it on repeat every time I write some of this story, and I'm glad you're enjoying the story, its nice to get some really positive feedback.

Sezza Rikda

I would be so thankful to you if you could beta me. Even for just a few chapters. With your e-mail was it at hotmail dot com ( sorry it won't let me write it the other way) I assumed it was and I'll e-mail you shortly

gazette

Aw, who'd say no to sex in a back alleyway?

fragonknight01

Thanks for reviewing. English isn't my second language. My spelling and grammar just really suck. I tried really really hard with this one though so I hope it's at least a little better.

And to everyone else who reviewed thank you so much, I hope your able to bare with me in relation to the grammar and spelling until a beta is set up.

Much love,

**Emma**


	3. Just a pretty little junkie

A/N sorry I haven't updated in ages, my dad had a double lung transplant so I've been slightly pre occupied. Just writing this chappie to keep my mind off things so I hope it's not to… thrown together. Oh and kvun sorry I didn't thank you for your positive feedback before, I tried to do it from memory and forgot you, it's much appreciated though sweetheart, all the reviews are.

It was the last day of holidays and they had decided it was probably a good idea to collect their school things for the year to come at Diagon alley. It had taken the four of them ( Ron, Hermione, Harry and Ginny) almost 3 hours to hunt down their supplies and when they had finished it had been Ginny who suggested they all visit the Weasley's new premises. They had made their way to the store and dodged and weaved to the front register only to fine two beautiful girls smiling at them instead of the twins.

It turned out the twins had hired these ladies to run the store so that they could continue working on new inventions. The blonde of the two led them to a back in the store were the Weasley's had there head together, muttering, a small figurine between them. When they realized they were no longer alone covered the contraption with a white clothe and stood straight, identical grins on their faces.

They chatted with the twins for almost 2 hours when the group decided to head back to the burrow, on the way out the twins had pulled Harry back, saying they wanted to talk to him alone; the other three just shrugged and said they'd wait out the front for him.

Harry sat back down and looked up at them questioningly.

"Harry, we want to pay you back for the galleons you gave us to start this place" said Fred, sitting down across from him.

"We'd give you the galleons but all of our hard cold cash is tied up in various projects, so we've found another way to pay you back," Before Harry could argue with them George searched the draw of a desk near the chairs the other 2 boys were seat upon and dragged out a bag twice the size of his fist filled with green powder. He chucked it on the coffee table in front of Harry and smiled.

Harry looked at the bag of green powder in front of him and then up at the smiling faces of the Weasley twins.

"What the fuck is this?" he asked, picking up the package and chucking it up and down in one hand.

"It's called Kazard. Back when you know who first disappeared after the whole scar causing fiasco all the people under his control through the imperious curse were all freed, except some people had become addicted to the care free, pain free, decision free life the imperious curse offered them. They were slaves to their addiction, hunting down people who would risk going to Azkaban performing such a curse on them for copious amounts of cash. It was a huge problem for the ministry. One they struggled really hard to cover up until they eventually had to manufacture a drug to wean the addicts off there imperious addiction. One that wasn't as addictive so they could eventually live a normal life. It was all going great until one of the wizards in charge of the rehabilitation program got into a spot of money trouble and begun dealing the drug to the general public. Since then it's become one of the most popular illegal drug in the wizarding world. Its good shit Harry, the best I've ever had. Some of the costumers that come in have bought some and they've all come back for more so they must agree with me. You can smoke it, drink it, snort it, inject it or deal it, whatever you want man, it's yours." George looked at Harry, a half grin on his face as he watched Harry absorb the information.

Fred opened the plastic bag and Harry watched as he took out a tea spoon full and mixed it with a mug of butter beer that was sitting on the desk next to Harry. The butter beer smoked and turned a bright purple color before settling back to its original state.

"Once you give it time to settle it's completely odorless, colorless and tasteless. With the original formula this wasn't so but it's been mutated by dealers so it's harder to detect, try it. It'll have you convinced." Fred held the glass out to Harry who hesitated before taking it.

"What about Ron and the others? They're waiting for me?" Harry smelt the mixture in the glass, they were right; it smelt exactly as butter beer should.

"I'll go tell them you're helping us for the afternoon and we'll drop you home alright? While I'm gone just drink it and stop being such a pussy."

George's mocking had worked, Harry hated looking like a fool or weak in front of the Weasley's so after eyeing the liquid one last time he downed it in several gulps.

At first nothing happened and Harry was beginning to think it was one of the twin's stupid jokes, and then he felt as if he was floating. All his worries and thoughts were left on the ground as he begun to saw through the air, he had never felt so comfortably numb before, he could have probably chopped his own hand of and he wouldn't have felt it. Harry tried standing but his legs begun to quiver so much that he decided it was probably best to stay in the chair, then weird things begun to happen.

First Hermione came strutting into the room in a black and purple lacey bra with big black boots, straddling his lap she licked his lips, he tried to lift his arms to respond but looking down he saw that they were chained to the chair, slowly Hermione's face melted into Sarah's. A wicked grin spread across it as she leaned forward and pulled a pocket knife out from her boot, releasing the blade and running it across Harry's lips before she raised it into the air and brought it down, plunging it into his chest.

Harry jumped, whipping his head around he searched for Sarah, she had disappeared just like that, Harry lifted his hands ( no longer bound by the chains) and traced them over his chest, as far as he could tell he could feel no pain and there didn't seem to be any wound.

"Sorry Harry mate, I really shouldn't have given you so much your first time. The hallucinations are usually really mild and pleasant, but the way you were thrashing around they must have gotten pretty serious.

Harry was still breathing quickly. As he begun to calm down he realized that he still generally felt wonderful. Oblivious to any aches and worries he smiled up at the Weasley's who both grinned back.

"The general felling of well being will last until roughly this time tomorrow, after that you will feel like you've been beaten half to death with a pick axe, you will spend the hour after that piecing yourself together and then you will be back to normal.

That's why the drugs not addictive, because it is completely out of your system with no cravings in 25 hours. The only time you'll get into some seriously murky water is it you take more of the stuff during your shitty hour, if you do this you can overdose and permanently exist as though you at under the imperious spell and nothing can reverse it or you can die." Fred explained to Harry, he repeated the last bit a few time just to make sure Harry understood before they all backed up their things and made there way out the back door of the shop. The sky outside was pitch black and Harry had to force himself not to skip down Diagon alley to the fireplace which would take he and the twins back to the Burrow.

It was 8pm when they finally tumbled out of the fireplace covered in thick black soot.

"Where have you been! Dinner's been ready for half an hour already, yours is probably stone cold meaning I'll have to leave my half eaten meal to go and heat your up. You boys are so inconsiderate sometimes I could just scream I don't know what I'm meant to do with you…" Mrs. Weasley's voice quieted to an irritated grumble as she made her way into the kitchen to re-heat the 3 large pieces of quiche she had left for the boys.

Fred and George just grinned and Harry was in to good-a drug induced mood to feel to guilty about it. When they sat down Ron bombarded them with questions about what they had done all day. Harry could tell he was jealous that the twins had asked Harry to stay behind instead of him but, as per usual, Ron kept his feelings to himself.

Mrs. Weasley returned with 3 dishes piled with quiche, salad and wedges floating behind her, with a flick of her wrist the plates set themselves down in front of the three boys who began wolfing it down greedily and all other attempts of conversation with them from the other family members was rendered pointless.

After dinner finished the whole family joined in for a huge, rowdy, hysterical game of exploding snap, the explosions and laughter lasting long into the night until at 12:30 Mr. an Mrs. Harry slept better that night then he had in months, years even. No dreams of death and destruction plagued him now, just beautiful, dreamless slumber.

A/N done done done! Next chappie we will finally get to Hogwarts! Hurrah! And then we can introduce some Draco into the picture!

Hope this one was ok, much love

Here's some replies to some reviews, just don't read them if you're not interested.

Misery Haunts Doom I'm glad you liked it, if you want to beta email me at I'll be stoked if you could, this other girl was going to but I've lost her email and can't remember who she was so.. Yeah, thanks: D

PineappleCube I've kept the plot pretty simple so far, not to much detail yet so I'm not restricted with what I can do with it. Thanks for reviewing, much appreciated.

Lemonlime so do I wiggles eyebrows

Ashes of Stars I'm pleased, I love your user name

InsideMyWorld I hope I can keep it up, thanks for reviewing sweetie

Alora well... will Draco save him or revel in his corruption?

BratPrincess-187 thank you so much for your review, after I read it I really went through my story and realized how many careless mistakes there were, I love reviews like this, constructive criticism.

The Angsty Gothic Angel well here's some more princess. Hope it was alright.

Angel243 thankies: D

Victoria that's why I decided to write this story, I hate the whole "I do drugs because I'm a victim" Harry. It shits me.

Twilight-archer I'm working on it. I hope this one wasn't quit as bad as the others.

Driven to insanity love them. My favorite band atm


	4. Woeful regrets

A/N I own nothing, Kindly beta-ed by Sezza Ridka so if theres any problems… blame her.. jk! Jk!

Harry was awoken the next morning by Mrs. Weasley screeching up the stairs for them all to get up. He was so warm and sleepy he almost ignored her calls and rolled over to go back to sleep, but knew then that Mrs. Weasley would come marching into the room with that wand of hers and shower him with freezing cold water like she had a few times previously.  
Harry swung his legs over the side of the bed but remained lying down, he heard Mrs. Weasley beginning to climb the stairs so he pushed himself up into a sitting position and reached over to put a shirt on.  
"Harry! Harry come on you'll be late… HARRY!" Mrs. Weasley yelled as she approached Ron's room.  
"I'm up! I'm up!" Harry yelled back, launching himself off the bed and making his way to the staircase, scratching his stomach sleepily. He slumped to the bathroom and stared at his reflection in the mirror, running his hand through his black mop and sighing. After Harry drenched his face in cold water and dried it with one of the 47 towels littering the Weasley's bathroom, Harry felt the feeling of joy and wellbeing return to him, drowning the tiredness.  
Hopping down stairs he flopped himself onto one of the dinning room chairs, resting one arm on the table and beginning an animated conversation with Mr. Weasley about the joys and woe's of portable CD players.  
"That's one thing I'm going to miss at Hogwarts, all my music and stuff." Harry said sighing. He had organized for Mrs. Weasley to take care of his CD collection while he was away; he knew it was much safer with her then if he had left it at the Dursley's.   
"Harry, I know that you haven't quite finished breakfast yet but I was wondering if I could possibly show you something I've been working on before you leave for the train station." Mr. Weasley lent forward and whispered in Harry's ear. Harry stared at him, filled with curiosity before nodding and letting himself being led out the Weasley's garage.  
"I somewhat have the ministries permission to do this. The wizarding wireless is incredibly popular but not very practical for teens to take around with them. So they have allowed me to take an ordinary disc man but make it so that wizards can carry hundreds or even thousands of songs around with them without having to use CD's. You just take the data from the CD's and load it into the disc man and your set. Its taken months to research how we can do it and to also edit the muggle invention so its able to work in area's that are filled with magic which would usually render anything electric and muggle useless," Mr. Weasley beamed proudly, presenting the quite ordinary looking Discman.  
"Oh, so basically you've turned the ordinary Discman into a wizard MP3 player," Harry beamed, picking up the Discman for closer inspection.  
" An MP what?" Mr Weasley inquired, wrinkling his nose in confusion  
Old people are so cute when they're confused, Harry thought, smiling fondly.  
" Never mind Mr. Weasley, its really impressive. When will you start manufacturing them on a large scale," Harry asked, placing the Discman back on the table.  
" Well.. we've already produced 25 of them. I got to keep 5, I'm giving one to Ron for his birthday and, well, this one's yours, a late birthday present, don't flash it around to Ron yet though ok? I want it to be a surprise," Mr Weasley beamed as Harry expressed his gratitude and picked up the Discman again.  
After Mr. Weasley showed Harry how it all worked Harry Hurried upstairs to load all his CD's into it, he had packed his trunk the night before and it sat at the edge of his bed in Ron's room, looking incredibly heavy. Inside underneath all his clothes, spell books and potion ingredients, wrapped in one of his un used and un necessary shirts was the bag of green powder.  
After he loaded all his music onto the Weasley improved contraption he opened his trunk and placed it on top, locking it again and hoisting it off the bed onto the floor so he could drag it downstairs and prepare to leave for Hogwarts.

It was raining outside. The drops of water splattered heavily onto the car windscreen as they sped to kings cross in 2 ministry cars. Harry grinned helplessly out the window. He still felt bubbly, light, loose. He felt like he could take on the world and win easily. Even Hermione and Ron noticed the change in Harry's mood and made the most of it, chatting to him more then they had since before Sirius died.  
When they arrived at the station the drivers unloaded there trunks onto trolleys and pushed them to the wall between platform 9 and 10, leaving Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione free to say their goodbye's to Mrs. Weasley.  
After receiving a hug and a "be good!" each they walked quickly as they could through the barrier without arousing too much suspicion, materializing on the other side,  
Before them was the Hogwarts express, billowing steam making it hard to see all the faces staring out. That platform was packed to capacity with people of all ages, all farewelling each other. Harry loved this time before they all left for Hogwarts. All the families hugging and kissing each other goodbye, forgetting about past arguments and problems and for 5 minutes just loving each other like a family should. It was at this time each year that Harry missed his parents, or really the concept of his parents, the most and now he didn't even have Sirius to see him off.  
Ron and Hermione had to go to the front of the train for their prefect meeting and Ginny joined a carriage with some of her friends leaving Harry by himself. He searched the carriages one by one until he found an empty one near the back of the train. He entered the carriage, dragging his trunk in behind him before flopping onto one of the chairs and pulling out the improved disc man.  
Harry's taste in music varied, he didn't like limiting himself to one genre and found people who did irritating. Like metal heads that hated rap just because socially they were meant to. He couldn't see why people put other people and subsequently themselves into boxes, labelling them and trapping them in a preconceived stereotype.  
Harry fished his sunglasses out of his coat pocket and slipped them on, creating artificial darkness in the already dim carriage. Harry pressed the "random" button on the disc man and slid further into the chair before closing his eyes and drifting away into the music. 

The Witch who pushes the lunch trolley had already come and gone so it must have been mid afternoon when Harry first felt it. It started as a tingling in his fingers and spread up his arms and into his chest, quickening his heart rate alarmingly and making Harry feel incredibly out of breath. He began gasping, feeling as though he was slowly being suffocated. His stomach began cramping, cramps so bad it felt as though he was being stabbed in the stomach repeatedly. Harry slid off the chair and onto the floor, curling into the foetal position, willing the pain to end. He tried to cry out, for someone, any one to do anything, but was only able to gasp.  
He writhed on the floor, clutching his stomach, feeling as though something was trying to claw it's way out. He began hallucinating. Well not so much hallucinating, more like reminiscing as his mind, clouded by pain and discomfort, mutated his memory morphing pleasant memories into horrible nightmares. Filling him with terror, unable to stop them from forming in his mind.  
The minutes ticked away, dragging their feet until finally the hour was up, the pain faded as quickly as it came leaving Harry shaking and sweating. Finally Harry managed to drag himself back onto the chair, slowing his breathing.  
The twins had warned him about the come down but he never thought it would be so bad. He had never experienced such agony and fear with any other drug and though the high was the most incredible he had ever had he wasn't sure wether it was worth it.  
The rest of the trip past relatively quickly, Harry listened to his music, trying to relax his now aching muscles until the warning came to remind them they were 5 minutes away from Hogwarts. Harry quickly changed into his wizarding robes, re-packed the disc man into his truck and left the carriage to join his fellow students.  
Outside the rain was beating down, saturating Harry the second he stepped off the train and dripping off his hair in fat drops. He weaved and ducked his way through the screeching crowd until he found Ron and Hermione, hurrying with them into one of the Thestral drawn carriages.  
"Oh fuck, it took me ages to straighten my hair and now look at it,' Hermione sulked, trying to run a hand through her now bushier then ever locks. Harry grinned and pushed his sopping tangle out of his eyes, sitting back in the chair and watching the rain trickle down the windowpanes.  
The trip was short and quicker then he may of liked Harry was back out in the rain, running as fast as he could into the entrance hall, Hermione and Ron following close behind. Once they where in the entrance hall Harry, Ron and Hermione squelched their way towards the great hall when a sneering voice behind them stopped them in there tracks.  
"First shower you've had all holidays I bet, eh Weasley," They all turned to see draco strolling in, closing the black umbrella and shaking it, showering near by 3rd years.  
"Shut up Malfoy, you filthy, slimy poofter," Harry said, turning back around and continuing towards the great hall. He had only moved a few paces when he felt the sting of the umbrella smacking him across the head before it cluttered to the floor.  
"Watch what you say potter, watch what you fucking say," Malfoy yelled back, his face screwed up in fury. Harry had never seen Malfoy as angry as he was right now and realized he had taken one step to far.  
Draco diminished the space between them in a few quick strides and before Harry could do anything to stop him had swung his fist into Harry's gut. Harry stumbled backwards, winded, before straightening himself up and launching himself at Draco, punching and kicking whatever body part he could get at. Harry heard the distinct crunch as Draco landed a fist on his nose, breaking it. A steady stream of blood flowing out and soaking into his wizarding robes. Harry felt people trying to separate the two of them but he just shook them off and continued his attack until he heard a familiar cry.   
He stopped hitting Malfoy and turned around, Hermione was on the floor clutching her face, sobbing and moaning in pain. Ron dropped to his knees next to her and pulled her hands away, revealing an already swelling left eye.

To all reviewers, thank you thank you thank you. Much love and hugs and kisses and love and please review on this chappie cause I'm a bit worried about it


	5. Friended

A/N book stealing friends have robbed both my beta and my own books, so I'm afraid some names may be a bit off, thank you to my dear beta for making my story readable and to all my reviewers who always make me smile and feel loved.

Harry stared down at Hermione, his mouth open in shock.

"You fucking elbowed her, what the fuck's your problem you bastard she was only trying to stop you," Ron stood up and screamed in Harry's face before helping Hermione to her feet.

"I-I-I'm so sorry, I didn't meant to, I just, I didn't realize," Harry stammered holding out an arm to help Hermione but Ron just slapped it away.

" Don't you fucking touch her," Ron growled, threateningly, before placing a protective arm around Hermione's shoulders and led her off to the hospital wing. A slow, deliberate clap behind him took him by surprise. Turning to face the applauder, Harry fumed to see Malfoy's smug though black and blue face.

"Well done Harry, the Mudblood bitch had it coming, couldn't of done it better myself," Draco slimed, swaying forward towards Harry, ready for another confrontation.

"I'm going to..." Harry begun before a hand fell heavily on his shoulder.

"What's going on here? Not fighting already potter? Only 5 minutes into a new school year? Tsk tsk, 10 points from Gryffindor." Snape's silky voice said in his ear. Harry heard the swish of Snape's cloak as he turned and walked off leaving a very pissed off potter with an incredible smug looking Draco.

Harry turned and followed Snape into the great hall, sitting himself at the very end seat of the Gryffindor table next to some awed looking second years. Harry rested his head in his hands and sighed. He ached all over from the blows Malfoy was able to land on his already tender body and now wracked with guilt about hitting Hermione. The sorting begun and Harry vaguely tuned in, clapping occasionally but mainly just staring straight ahead into space.

Eventually Dumbledore stood and addressed the hall, Harry sat up in his chair and focused all his attention on his seemingly ageless idol. No matter what he had said to Dumbledore last year, no matter what lies hew had told and what he had put him through, Harry had nothing but respect and love for the man standing before him. Dumbledore was everything Harry wanted to be. Wise, mysterious, powerful, loved, feared.

" Last year our perception of our world shattered. Our safety blanket has been torn to shreds and our lives will never be the same again. Lord Voldemort is back. I said this at the beginning of last year and you all disbelieved. I don't blame you, the thought of returning to how things where before he disappeared is terrifying, even to those who weren't old enough to remember it, but he is back and there are precautions we MUST take in order to keep ourselves and each other safe. First of all, trips to Hogsmeade have been cancelled except to do Christmas shopping, where you will go year group at a time for 2 hours. People caught in Hogsmeade out of these times will be expelled. We have also decided that we need to strengthen the bonds between houses, so we have developed an interhouse pen pal system. It will be compulsory to send at least 10 letters to the pen pal assigned to you throughout the year; those who don't comply will also be expelled. There will be an envelope awaiting you in your common room containing the Age and sex of your pen pal. Some will be male to male, some female to female and some co-ed, and you will not be aloud to change them so don't even bother asking." Dumbledore cast his eye over the mumbling crowd, hushing them instantly. "These measures seem harsh but I assure you they are necessary, we need to be strong and united against Voldemort or we will all crash and burn. On a more pleasant note professor Trelawney has decided to do personalized weekly horoscopes for 1 galleon for the entire year. They will be delivered to those who want them by owl at breakfast time every Sunday for the following week. To subscribe sign your name on the sheet in your common room and deposit one coin into the box attached. Well, that's all my announcements tonight, I realize we usually do this after the feast and I apologise for keeping you but I have a previous engagement, enjoy the feast and goodnight, have sweet dreams my dears," Dumbledore nodded before making his way off the stage and out of the hall.

The second the door closed behind Dumbledore the plates where filled to the point of almost overflowing with food, so many different varieties, textures and smells that Harry couldn't decide where to start first, his thoughts of Dumbledore and guilt about Hermione was pushed from his mind as he begun devouring platefuls of food.

Once the desserts had been served and devoured Harry pushed himself up from the table and headed towards the common room. Ron and Hermione had returned halfway through dinner, Ron glared at Harry as they went past, but Hermione just smiled softly and mouthed, "It's ok". Madam Pomfrey had completely healed her eye and Harry was so relieved Hermione seemed to have realized it was an accident.

He arrived at the common room and looked around at some of the familiar faces, no one he was good friends with so he made his way up to his room so he could hopefully be asleep before Ron came in, or at least pretend to be.

Sitting on his pillow was an envelope, his name neatly scrawled on the front. It took him a minute to realize what it was, his new pen pals information. Just what he needs, to write some bullshit to some random fuckwit just to keep himself in school. Sighing Harry opened the envelope; his knew pen pal was his age and male. Harry's mind ran through the males in his year but there were to many to narrow it down to a specific group, the only way he could eliminate some was to take away all the Gryffindors, considering it was made to build interhouse relationships.

"Uh fuck it," Harry said quietly before lying on the bed fully clothed, staring up at the ceiling. He wasn't sure how long it was, but he soon drifted off into a deep sleep.


	6. letters from no one

Harry woke with a sharp pain stabbing at his back and neck. He had fallen asleep with his robes and shoes still on and felt disgusting. Groaning, Harry lifted his wrist close to his face, making out what the loose watch that was hanging from his wrist said.

Ugh. Still an hour before breakfast even started. Harry quietly sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, cringing as they landed with a thunk. _Damn boots. _He thought to himself.

Harry stood and tiptoed carefully out of the dorm room, taking with him a fresh set of robes and a towel. He made his way to the Gryffindor bathroom, padding softly down the deserted hall.

Harry entered the bathroom and chose one of the ten stalls in front of him. They where like public bathroom stalls from the outside but once you stepped in the stall grew into a fully furnished, medium sized bathroom. In one corner was a shower big enough for 2 people surrounded by frosted glass. In the opposite corner was the bathtub. Not huge, but a nice size. On the same wall as the door, the toilet and a mirror resided there. The bathrooms hardly got any use any more because of the compulsory unit each student studied in their first year on hygiene spells, but Harry enjoyed nothing better than a hot shower.

Harry dumped his towel and fresh robes onto the floor and stood in front of the mirror. He rested his hands on either side of the sink and stared himself in the eye, before critically studying the rest of his face. He hardly recognized himself anymore. It was like one day he fell asleep himself and woke up in the skin of someone new, someone he vaguely remembered but couldn't quite remember. Harry rubbed a hand through his hair vigorously before turning around and stripping off. Climbing into the shower Harry turned the hot on full blast and added tinges of cold until it was just right. Harry let his head loll onto his chest letting the jets of water stream through his hair, saturating it before running over his aching joints.

Harry enjoyed showers because they enabled him to think clearly for some reason. The water relaxed his body, allowing his mind take over completely for half an hour or so. But all he could think of was sex. Images of the girls he had had over the summer ran through his mind, stopping with a screeching halt at Ginny, her freckled body trapped underneath his as he kissed and nibbled her soon red, swollen lips before slowly moving over her neck and to her small, perfect breasts.

Harry felt his hand move over his chest to his groin, as though it had a mind of his own. He begun stimulating himself the same way Ginny had. Sex was Harry's addiction. But unlike other drugs there was no rehabilitation and Harry never wanted there to be. He loved sex and everything about it. The excitement of the unknown with each new girl. He didn't disrespect them, nor he didn't think he was better then them. They were both just addicts getting what they needed out of each other.

Harry finished himself off and finished showering. His neck was still tight and cramped and he knew it would be for a few days. He could stroll down to Madam Pomfrey's for a cure, but he doubted she'd appreciate Harry wandering in because of an achy neck… perhaps Hermione could help him.

Ah no, Hermione couldn't help him because she'd have to get through Ron first. He didn't understand why he refused to believe it was an accident. Maybe it was just an excuse to hate Harry; he had been acting rather weird around him for most of the holidays.

A fleeting thought crossed Harry's mind that maybe Ron knew about him having sex with Ginny. But it wasn't possible, Ginny would have to be nuts to tell him and Harry would no longer be alive if she had.

Harry dressed and made his way back to the Gryffindor common room to put his dirty robes on the end of his bed so that the house elves would clean them for him. By the time he got there the other boys were stirring. Including Ron, who sat up as Harry entered the room.

"Listen mate, I'm sorry about what happened with Hermione last night. You know I'd never hit her on purpose. She's like a sister to me, one of my best mates. I'd never purposely hurt either you, you have to know that," Harry pleaded, standing near the end of Ron's bed.

"I know, I over reacted, but it was just a shock. Hermione doesn't hold it against you at all so you don't need to worry about that. I just love her so much, it freaked me out," Ron smiled sheepishly at Harry, who grinned back, ruffling Ron's hair.

"Aw, our Ronny's all grown up," he said, darting out the door, closely followed by one of Ron's pillows. When he got into the common room he noticed the sign up sheet for professor Trelawney's horoscopes.

"Hmm, why not?" Harry asked himself, fishing through his robes for a galleon and popping it into the tin, before signing his name on the sheet.

Harry made his way down to breakfast; it was still early so the hall was practically empty except for a few 3rd years here and there and a group of excited jittering first years.

Harry sat down and filled his plate with pieces of buttered toast, smothering them one by one with strawberry jam before munching them down in quick concession. By the time he finished Ron and Hermione had arrived hand in hand, enduring giggles and comments from the rest of the Gryffindor table.

Harry nodded at Hermione when she sat down, who smiled back, assuring Harry that they were alright. Harry began consuming his breakfast at a fast pace, demolishing his eggs before moving on to his toast. By the time he was buttering his second piece the post arrived. To Harry's surprise, a school owl glided down to him and fluttered onto the table, steadying himself between the plates before sticking out his leg.

Harry quickly untied the letter and patted the owl gratefully. Assuming it was his horoscope Harry tore the envelope open and unfolded the parchment but to his surprise, (for the second time that morning) Harry found a neatly scrawled note from his pen pal.

_Dear you, _

_I hope you don't mind me writing so early, but I was hoping we could complete this little experiment of Dumbledore's before our school work and other such necessities begin to mount. _

_I won't tell you who I am because that renders this whole thing useless, so don't ask, and to be completely honest with you I don't really care who you are. _

_So, what to write. I enjoy writing and flying, and since I don't know you I suppose its alright if I say I enjoy muggle movies such as **bang, bang your dead**, **a clockwork orange** and **rocky horror picture show**. I also enjoy muggle music more then wizarding. Our world songs all seem to be about love potions and spells going wrong and personally I believe there's more to life and peoples musical taste should show that. _

_Any way, I believe this is adequate for a first correspondence I await your reply. _

_From, _

_Me _

Harry frowned down at the letter. His pen pal seemed a very up himself dickhead, but who was he to judge? It was hard to really work out the guy's personality. His taste in movies and the line he spilled about music made him sound exactly like Harry's type of person. But the rest of it made him sound like a git.

Harry folded the letter and stuffed it into his pocket. He was glad he wasn't forced to write the first letter, but now he was challenged with writing the second. Oh well, he'd just have to deal with that after class.

The day past without much detail worthy of noting. Just the usual start of term speeches, just said half a dozen different ways, that this was one of their most important years education wise and that they would each have to manage their time carefully, blah blah blah, crap, crap, crap.

Harry was relieved when the final bell rang, signalling the start of dinner. Though they were now all talking words between the three once inseparable were incredibly tense. They had fought before but Harry felt this was different. He now felt like the third wheel, something he had never experienced before. He now knew how Hermione must of felt when the boys lost themselves in conversations of quidditch.

Harry ate his dinner in silence, letting the flood of conversation in the great hall wash over him. He decided to reply to his pen pal tonight, since they had taken the time and effort to write to him so quickly. He had only received transfiguration homework that night which he would be able to complete fairly easily and wasn't due for another 2 days. He excused himself after finishing his meal, leaving his school friends to chat and eat at a leisurely pace. Harry trudged the empty hallway leading up to the Gryffindor common room before speaking the password and clambering inside. The common room was empty, but Harry knew it would very quickly fill with good little boys and girls all wanting to finish their homework, so he decided to take a bottle of ink, a quill and a piece of parchment up to his common room to write the letter in peace.

Harry sat cross-legged on his bed, staring down at the blank parchment. Sucking the end of the quill into his mouth he thought about how to start the letter before dipping the nib of the quill into the bottle of ink resting on his bedside table and beginning to write.

_Dear you, _

_Well I don't really care who you are either so I suppose our identities shall remain secret. You seem to have an excellent taste in movies; Stanley Kubrick is one of my favourite directors, along with Quentin Tarantino. I also enjoy writing. Lyrics more then anything but to be honest I'm not very good, bad teenage poetry. _

_So now we get to the awkward part. Do I write about myself or do I ask you questions? Hm, I'll ask you some questions since I'm not really the most entertaining and exciting person ever. _

_Do you have a sweetheart at Hogwarts? What muggle music are you into? Like your favourite bands? What do you want to do when you leave school? Do you have siblings? _

_Well that's all the cliché questions I can think off at the moment. Feel free to ask me any in your response. Must be off now, so I leave you with a familiar quote to make you feel all fuzzy inside. _

_Bliss, bliss and heaven... it was gorgeousness and gorgeosity made flesh...Oh; it was wonder of wonders... And then, a bird of like rarest spun heaven metal, or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now _

_From, _

_Me _

Harry finished the letter and placed the quill next to the inkbottle on his bedside table. He looked at his watch; he still had an hour until curfew so he decided to make his way up to the owlery so he could post his letter that night.


	7. oh bummer

A/N BROKE 50 REVIEWS! Thanks guys! All your support has been awesome. These chapters have been made readable by my beautiful beta, thanks babe. Below there's a bit of sexy man on man action. If you're not into it why are you reading this story?

Dear you,

Ah, clockwork orange quotes, very nice,

I don't have a sweetheart but I do have several friends with benefits. I don't have any siblings and I enjoy too many bands to possibly mention here. That's one thing I miss horribly at Hogwarts, muggle music. What I WANT to do after Hogwarts is open my own potions shop. I've been heavily into potion making since I started at Hogwarts, but that's really just a fantasy my life's already planned for me. Protective parents and the likes. Just endured a disgusting day I must say. Mountains of homework to complete and insomnia to contend with, so I must bid you adieu

From,

Me

Dearest pen fellow,

Sorry but dear you was beginning to annoy me. I used to suffer insomnia caused by bad dreams. Madam Pomfrey gave me some potions but nothing helped so I sought out some potions of my own if you know what I mean. They are being a bit heavy handed in the homework department this year aren't they? Hardly any time to tend to other duties. I wonder if others have begun their correspondence yet. Thought I suppose it is only the second week of term. Did you sign up for the horoscope thing? That lady really has lost the plot, some of the shit she comes up with.

Best be off

Me.

Dear you,

I don't give a shit if it annoys you it has a bit of a ring to it. So any suggestions for the whole sleep thing? I've dried Madam Pomfrey's concoctions to but she never gives out the heavy stuff for insomnia because she refuses to be held responsible if we get addicted. That's what she told me any way. In relation to the horoscope thing, you're just as looney for signing up for it. I'm going to try and talk Snape into brewing me up something a little more powerful; I don't think I can exist with this lack of sleep any more. Have you noticed Corane Selby from Hufflepuff lately? Jeez that girl has grown up over the summer, she still seems a bit of a frigid though eh?

From,

Me

Harry had already been back to school for a month when he received the third letter from his pen friend and he had come to the conclusion that he seemed a pretty cool guy. Nothing much else had happened in that month, most of his weekends were spent spaced out on the twin's present to him or training for quidditch and his pen pals comment about Corane suddenly becoming a hottie, he realized it had been the longest time since he had had sex since he had lost his virginity. This amazed Harry at how little it was affecting him. He still felt like a third wheel around Ron and Hermione, so he spent most of his time on his own. It got a bit lonely at times, but it meant he could keep on top of his homework and didn't have to watch them constantly all over each other.

Harry had also started taking midnight strolls around the castle and the castle grounds. Since he had the invisibility cloak and the map it made it easy not to get caught and he found that the fresh air helped him to sleep. It was a Friday night and a party had broken out in the Gryffindor common room. Harry wasn't really in the mood so he went out for a wander around the castle until the party had settled down enough for him to creep into bed. Harry climbed a set of stairs and turned the corner when he happened to glance down at the map and see that the name Draco Malfoy and another name that he didn't recognise were located three classrooms away from him. Harry

Feeling daring and ready for a second round with Malfoy, Harry crept down the corridor as quietly as he could before sliding the door open.

Harry was met with two entwined lovers, Draco and another boy Harry recognised as being a year below him in slytherin. He watched Draco's hands quiver slightly as they reached for the boys buttons, looking at his lover before he began unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it off his shoulders revealing darkly tanned skin.

"The summer in the Bahamas has done wonders," Draco murmured before dragging his lips over the boy's neck and down to his now exposed chest. Draco licked his lips and poked his pink tongue out, circling each of the boys nipples before taking one into his mouth and biting down hard, causing the boy to hiss in a mixture of pleasure and pain.

Harry couldn't help but watch the two together. He couldn't drag his eyes away from the two of them pressed together, Draco's pale skin contrasting beautifully with his tanned partner.

Draco moved even further down, placing small kisses down the boys belly until he was finally kneeling in front of him. Harry never thought he'd ever see Draco kneeled in front of anyone, anyone except Voldemort that is.

Draco tugged the zip of the boy's pants down roughly and hurriedly undid the boy's top button before letting the pants drop leaving the boy in nothing but darkly coloured cotton boxer shorts, and Draco kneeling in front of him fully clothed.

The boy ran his hands through Draco's blonde hair.

"You put to much product in baby, I love it when it's all blonde and fluffy like this. It makes it easier to pull," he said, making his point by sharply tugging Draco's hair.

" mm, It's only because I had a shower before I came and didn't have time to plaster it in it's usual position," draco smiled before hooking his fingers into the boys boxers.

"Ready?" Draco asked, looking up.

The boy nodded and Harry went to lean on the wall behind him, desperate for something to support him upright as he watched the scene before him unfold. But the wall was further behind then he expected and Harry came crashing to the ground.

"Who's there? WHO THE FUCK IS THERE," Draco thundered, looking around the seemingly empty classroom.

"Shut up Draco, someone will hear you," the boy whispered, desperately fumbling for his pants.

"Don't fucking tell me what to do, who the hell is there," Draco fumed.

Harry climbed to his feet before he removed the invisibility cloak, laughing hysterically at the look on Draco's face.

"Oh Draco, Draco, Draco, no wonder you got so angry when I called you a poof, wait until the school hears about this one," Harry grinned, before turning and bolting back down the corridor, dragging the invisibility coat behind him. Harry made his way quickly back to the Gryffindor tower anxious to tell Ron and Hermione about what he had just seen. But when Harry climbed into the common room he knew something was wrong. Ginny was sitting on the floor in tears with Ron standing over her screaming and Hermione trying to restrain him.

"THERE'S THE FUCKER," Ron yelled when he saw Harry. In a few quick strides he was upon him, tackling him to the floor and sitting on his chest, hitting his face again and again, over and over until someone finally pulled him off and was able to hold him back.

"Fuck, what the hell's the matter with you, you fucking psycho!" Harry fumed at Ron, tenderly getting to his feet and clutching his face in one hand.

"You had sex with my little sister. You fucked my little sister, you took her fucking virginity you piece of shit," Ron yelled, pointing at Ginny who began crying and shaking harder.

"Oh I assure you Ron, your saint of a little sister was definitely not a virgin when I had sex with her," Harry yelled back.

Ron tried to go for him again but the others managed to hold him back.

"Just go, Harry, ok? Just go, let him calm down a bit," Hermione pleaded, her arm around her boyfriends waist trying to calm him down.

Harry turned and stormed out of the common room and half limped, half ran out of the castle and into the grounds, leaving his map and invisibility cloak behind. Harry hobbled down to the lake fuming. Who the hell did Ron think he was acting like that? Ginny was a big girl now and should be able to do what she wants with who she wants. So what if Harry had taken advantage of the situation, she had still been an incredibly willing participant.

Harry flopped on the ground next to the lake and pulled a cigarette and lighter out of his pocket. He had only been able to take three packets to Hogwarts so he had been trying to save them but this was definitely a smoking moment.

Lighting up and inhaling deeply Harry tried to relax his now aching body. Ron sure did know how to hit when he was pissed off, his whole body seemed to ache and throb. More thoughts ran through Harry's head about Ron and what he'd like to do to him. He was so deep in thought that he didn't hear the footsteps behind him, and didn't realize he had company until it sat down beside him.


	8. Deal with the devil himself

Harry watched Draco tug the cigarette out of his hand before taking a drag and handing it back.

" We need to talk Potter," though he couldn't see Draco's face properly, he could tell by the sound of his voice that he was nervous, guarded, like he was asking a teacher for an extension on their project.

" What about, Malfoy," Harry asked, casually dipping the cigarette into his mouth and letting the smoke wallow out.

" Don't fuck with me, Potter," Draco said, regaining some on the menace usually present in his voice.

Harry sighed and lied on his back, staring upwards at the star splattered sky.

"Fine Draco, what do we need to talk about?"

" What you saw today… no one can find out about it, my dad will fucking kill me and it's no one else's business what I do and who I do it with. So what can I do to make this all go away? Just say it and I'll…what the fuck are you doing?"

" Trying to blow smoke rings," Harry said before sucking in more smoke and sticking his tongue out, exhaling the smoke while trying to mould it around his tongue.

"Well Malfoy, there's nothing you have I want," Harry stated, abandoning his attempts and snubbing his cigarette out on the grass. " I don't need money, I don't want your friendship and I certainly don't want a blow job."

"Fuck you Potter, just cause I'm gay doesn't mean I'd sex any male that offers it," Draco fumed, bringing his knees up to his chest and folding his arms over them.

Harry smirked to himself. Touchy bastard. Suddenly Harry was struck with a stroke of brilliance.

" Ok Malfoy. There's something you can do for me that doesn't involve sexual favours… I want you to help me get Weasley back. He embarrassed me in front of my whole house and that's not acceptable. Just for fucking his sister… any way, get back at Weasley without him being able to trace it back to you or I and we'll be even. Your filthy little secret will be buried with me."

Draco raised an eyebrow at Harry.

"So, in order for you to keep my secret… you want me to seek revenge on my worst enemy."

" I'm hurt Draco, I always thought I was your worst enemy. But basically yes. Do we have a deal," Harry asked, holding his hand out to Draco.

" I believe we do, Mr. Potter," Draco said, shaking it firmly before standing, wiping the blades of grass from the bum of his robes and casually strolling back towards the castle.

Harry contemplated going back to the Gryffindor common room but decided against it; he really wasn't in the mood for another scene. Regretting not bringing his invisibility cloak or map, Harry carefully made his way back to the castle and wound his way through the corridors and up countless staircases until he finally arrived at the Room of Requirement.

As Harry pushed the door open a huge queen sized four-poster bed lay in front of him, drowned underneath a thick black canopy. Next to the bed was a handsome set of draws, upon which lay a pair of flannelette pyjamas and a steaming mug of hot chocolate.

" Ahh, excellent."

_Dear Ginny, _

_I thought we had fun together. You and I both know that we were just getting what we needed and there were not emotions involved, so I don't know why you felt the need to go to Ron about it. I thought you were mature enough to handle the situation, but obviously Ron was right, you are just a little girl. _

_Yours, _

_Harry _

_PS You used me just as much as I used you and you know it._

Harry scrawled this note quickly on a piece of parchment before heading up to the owlery the next morning. After attaching the note to the foot of a school owl, so Ron didn't know Harry was contacting his sister, Harry headed out to the grounds. He was in no mood to be jeered at and stared at by his fellow Gryffindors and though he had an amazing nights sleep, he still felt so exhausted.

After walking 3 laps of the lake, Harry decided it was late enough that the Gryffindor common room would be relatively empty, thus allowing him to grab the cloak, his map, and some of his clothes and books meaning he could move into the Room of Requirement. He didn't think any other student had ever done it before, moved out of their dorm room without requesting permission, so he wasn't entirely sure what would happen, and at that time he didn't really care.

By the time he lugged all his things into the Room of Requirement, it was almost time to go to classes. But Harry had a couple of spare minutes to observe what the room had moulded into since he had last seen it. A large chest of drawers and a wardrobe stood in one corner and a desk, lamp, and bookshelf full of books (mainly reference but a few excellent looking ones thrown in.)

Harry smiled to himself, this room would do him perfectly until Ron either grew up, died at the hands of Malfoy, or Dumbledore kicked him out. With these thoughts on his mind, a very satisfied Harry potter made his way to his first class.

Harry sat down at the very end of the Gryffindor table at lunch, wanting to avoid any Ron related incidents. His morning had been incredibly boring and excruciatingly long having to endure double History of Magic with Professor Binn's. It was more horrible then usual because he had to force himself to stay awake, no longer having Hermione to rely on for notes.

He had started on his second serving of Shepard's Pie when a beautiful brown school owl swooped down and presented himself to Harry. This was highly unusual because the post usually only arrived during breakfast or after school hours.

_Dear Harry,_

_Look, it's not my fault Ron found out ok, we were playing a game of magical truth or dare and I chose truth… Simone asked me who I had last slept with and I had to say you. You physically can't lie during a game of magical truth or dare. I'm so sorry it caused such a fight between you and Ron, but he didn't exactly go easy on me either. It's the first time since we were really little that I thought he was actually going to hit me. _

_I'm sorry… ok?_

_Friends?_

_Ginny_

Harry looked up and scanned the table for the red head and when he finally located her, he could tell she was purposely avoiding his gaze.

Sighing Harry fished a quill and ink out of his bag and scribbled on the back of the parchment.

_Friends. Talk to you later._

Before re-folding it, giving the school owl a piece of bread and heaving himself up from the table. He swung his book bag back over his shoulder before depositing the quill and ink back into it. Sauntering almost the full length of the Gryffindor table, Harry stopped at Ginny, leaning forward and placing the note in front of her before winking at Ron a further few paces down, before finally making his way out of the hall.

A/n Ok folks, this was mainly a plot setter-upper so I hope it wasn't to boring, the next chapter is already in progress so hopefully you won't have to wait long!

Oh and thank you to my beautiful beta. Without you babe my story would just be ramblings of a mad, mad chicken.


	9. Drugged

_Dear Mr. pen pal,_

It's been one hell of an interesting week, but alas I haven't heard from you after such a good start... You're not sick of me already are you? It seems everyone else is.

_Jeez their laying the work on nice and thick aren't they? I don't think I'll be able to cope with much more, but I suppose I say that every year and some how manage._

_I realized something today, that I'm one of those in-between people… I know what your thinking " what the fuck?" but let me explain before you let loose with the profanities and insanity pleas thank you very much. _

_You know how there are those people who are so nice that you want to protect them from the world? And then how there are people who are just generally bitchy and horrible and you just want to slap them. Then there are people who seem to never shut up and others who hardly say a word. And then those who are so confident and cocky nothing anyone says could bring them down…and others who can barely stand to look at themselves in the mirror. I feel like I'm in between all of those things. Like I can't really decide whether I want to be one way or another. Sometimes I want to scream forever and others I never want to talk again. Maybe that's what they mean by being human. _

_I'm going to tell you something that I have never told anyone before… but because I don't know you I have no reason not to trust you. If you never reply I won't think any worse of you… actually I will but I won't send threatening letters or anything. _

_I even feel in-between with my sexuality. Instead of love boys or girls I love necks, hipbones, chests, thighs, collarbones, lips. Anything that makes a person beautiful and unique rather then what makes them male or female. I feel like a freak on the inside and that my mind is trying to destroy itself from the inside out. _

_Any way, it is late and I'm afraid if I go on much longer it will just lead to the ravings of a mad man._

_Hope all is well… and that you reply…_

_Me_

Harry let the quill fall from his hand to the table, spattering the bottom of the parchment with ink. He didn't know what made him write this to a perfect stranger, these things he was hardly able to tell himself or his closest friends… not that he really had any left.

Sighing, Harry covered himself in the invisibility cloak and dragged himself up to the owlery. It was almost 2:30am and he just couldn't get to sleep, deciding that when he got back he would take a little more of Fred and George's gift, though he swore to himself that he wouldn't. Harry reasoned this breaking of promises that if he took it during a period were he was usually asleep; he would sleep through the hour of excruciating come down. He knew this was bullshit, but it's surprisingly easy to lie to yourself.

Harry returned from the owlery and re-entered the Room of Requirement. His trunk still sat at the end of the bed where he left it. He wondered what would happen is someone else needed the Room of Requirement. Would his things disappear until he came back or would the room just mould around them? Harry shook his head. He always got this way when he was over tired, contemplating meaningless and stupid things. Plonking on the edge of the bed, Harry fished around inside his trunk for the bag of green powder. Burrowing through his underwear and spare robes until he finally struck gold.

Harry contemplated different methods of ingestion before deciding on mixing it with his seemingly endless cup of hot chocolate. He knew the twins had said any way would work but the drug was still new to him and he already had experience this way.

Harry pinched three little heads into the warm drink before swirling it around in the mug making sure not to spill any. Harry lied back on the bed and took 5 huge gulps, burning his throat slightly, before replacing the cup on the bedside table. He drew the curtains of his bed around and lied in the darkness, waiting for it to kick in.

The feeling first started in his stomach. It was almost like the hot chocolate had started to bubble and fizz. He could feel it entering his blood stream and branching out, filling him with a feeling of security, wellbeing and supreme happiness. He felt it like a lump slowly moving towards his heart, once it reached its destination, his heartbeat slowed dramatically and Harry finally felt the muscles in his body relax, like the drug had squeezed out all the tension and angst he'd been feeling over the past month since returning to Hogwarts and replacing it instead with happy, joyous feelings.

Then the hallucinations started to kick in. the curtains of his bed suddenly parted and there stood his mother in a beautiful blue summer dress.

"Mum? Mum is that you?" Harry's voice sounded slightly slurred and shaky.

" Shh," his mother replied, smoothing back his hair and pulling the blankets up around him.

His mother then opened up her lips and began to sing a lullaby. He had visions of himself as a tiny baby in his mother's arms and her singing the same song she was singing now. He could feel his eyelids droop. He was getting so sleepy but he kept a tight hold on his mother's hand, not wanting to let her get away.

Harry woke the next morning and searched the room for his mother.

" She wouldn't leave me, she wouldn't, she has to be here somewhere," Harry kept muttering to himself. He pulled the room apart searching for her before leaving the room and sprinting down the hallway, screaming for his mother.

"She has to be here somewhere," Harry kept muttering, opening the door to the classrooms he passed, and searching them thoroughly. He had been searching for almost half an hour when he spotted someone with brilliant blonde hair staring out the window in one of the classrooms. It was Draco Malfoy.

His eyes where incredibly bloodshot and his tear stained cheeks gave away that Harry had come across him in a moment of misery and despair.

"Draco, Draco have you seen my mum? She was in my room singing to me and I fell asleep and I woke up and she was gone! Have you seen her?" Harry placed his hands on Draco's shoulders and began shaking him violently.

" Harry… what are you on about? Your mums dead." Draco pushed Harry away from him and backed away. Harry looked as though he was possessed. His eyes where so blank and he couldn't keep still, constantly wringing his hands, a desperate look on his face.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?" Harry screamed, launching himself and Malfoy and throwing punches at him wildly. Draco fumbled for his wand, trying to avoid Harry's fists until he was able to put Harry in a complete body bind.

"Fuck, what have you taken?" Draco pushed Harry's frozen body of him and rolled Harry onto his back, staring down at his constantly moving pupils.

Draco looked down at his watch. 5am. If he didn't move Harry now, they would be caught by Filch on his morning stalk of the school. Draco levitated Harry and directed him down the hallway to a room he had heard about and hopefully existed.

After some wrong turns and a few close calls with wandering teachers Draco finally found the corridor he once caught Harry fleeing down, trying to get away from Umbridge. He began checking the doors until he found one that led into a bedroom. Next to the four-poster bed on the bedside table, Draco found 4 vials of potions, assuming because this was, after all, the Room of Requirement, that they were only help Harry. He placed Harry on the bed and tied him down before lifting the spell.

He was instantly met with a string of profanities and threats.

" Calm yourself Harry, or I'll put the spell back on you and some how pry your jaw open to get these potions down," Draco said wearily. He had hardly gotten any sleep and was steadily loosing patients with the drug fucked Harry.

Harry was hysterical, screaming and crying. Begging to let him go so he could find his mother.

"Harry if you take these potions I'll show you were your mum is." Draco opened each of the vials and waited for Harry to open his mouth, which he did reluctantly.

Tipping the solution down Harry's throat, Draco prayed it would work, otherwise he would be forced to see Madam Pomfrey and explain what had happened…meaning when Harry came down off whatever he was on, he would no longer give a shit about keeping Draco's secret.

Draco sat beside Harry on the bed and watched him calm down. His muscles relaxed, his eyes stopped flickering constantly and the profanities and threats ceased. Harry's eyes began to droop and within half an hour he was fast asleep. Leaving Harry tied up incase it was a mere sleeping potion rather then a cure, Draco went back to his dorm room to collect his school things before heading down to breakfast. He would return for Harry after school was over.

Harry woke with an incredibly itchy nose and tried to scratch it before realizing his hand was bound. Looking around he fund himself in the Room of Requirement, but couldn't remember how he had gotten back here after posting his letter in the owlery or how he had become bound to the bed.

After raking through his brain to try and work out what was going on, it started to flood back to him, his mother singing to him, hunting through the castle to try and find her and running into Malfoy, how Malfoy had brought him back here, dosed him up with potions and bound him so he couldn't cause any more damage.

Harry groaned loudly. Why did it have to be Malfoy to find him, why couldn't it have been any one but Malfoy? He supposed Draco had left to tell Snape all about what happened.

What the hell had the Weasley's given him? It wasn't the same stuff he had sampled at their joke shop. He was going to fucking kill them; they had given him some bad stuff and made him completely trip out on it. There had been one plus side; He had seen his mother again even if it was just a drugged mind fuck. He felt less lonely than he had before hand, like seeing her had re-energized him or something, Harry tried to relax and wait until someone came to find him.

Draco returned an hour later. It was now 6:30 and he had decided to bring up a plate of food with him incase Harry was hungry. When he entered the Room of Requirement, Harry was still tied to the bed where he left him.

" You could sex him and he couldn't stop you," A filthy, cheeky little voice whispered in his ear. Draco entertained the thought for a few seconds before pushing it from his mind; he refused to lower his standards that far.

" Hello Malfoy, and I thought you'd never return. I knew you were gay but I never thought you were a kinky fuck," Harry said, trying to look as cool as you can tied fully clothed to a bed.

" Shut up potter or I won't give you any pie," Draco placed the dish on the bedside table and undid Harry's hands then feet. Harry rubbed his wrists, which had severe rope burn on them, his muscles had seized up from having to keep his arms above his head for so long.

"Who says I want your pie… you probably drugged it."

" You don't need my drugs to fuck you up Potter. You're lucky none of the teachers found out. " Draco turned to leave but only got halfway when Harry called out his name.

" Draco… thanks."

A/n this is the longest chapter I've ever written ever ever ever. I better get some major reviews for this effort peoples… tell me if you like the story so far and what you'd like to see happen! Much love, Emma

P.s thank you to my beta Sarah for letting me steal your line ( can't remember which) and for making my story readable!


	10. YOU SO DID NOT!

_Dear Fred and george, _

_What the fuck did you send me? Do you know how badly those drugs have messed me up? I can't barely stand not taking them for a 24 hour period and when I do take them I start hallucinating something chronic. There better be an incredible reason why you guys would send me off with this shit, if its ment to be some sort of joke it is so far from amusing.. If you guys don't tell me how I can get off this shit I will hunt you down and slit your stupid little throats. _

_Lovingly yours, _

_Harry. _

Harry clumsily folded the letter and stumbled up to the owlary. It had been almost a month since he had first taken some of the batch the weasleys had given him. He was coming off his last dose and, as always, felt horrible. The come down started just like it always did. At 3 am, exactly an hour after he had last taken the powder. By the time harry got back to the room of requirment he had begun to sweat profusely. He was trembling from head to toe and felt cold and clammy. Then the itching started. First at his fingertips and then up his arms and across his chest. It was the same every night and he scratched so much it looked as though he had been attacked by a werewolf .

If he didn't take another dose of the drug soon after the comedown started he began to feel nuacious. At one poin the had gotten so sick of taking the drug that he tried to give up cold turkey and he threw up so much he couldn't force any of the powder down his throat… which is when he started injecting.

Harry scooped the bag of powder off the top of his trunk and panicked slightly. He was beginning to run low and only had probably 2 weeks worth left.

Taking a chared metal spoon from the bedside table harry fished a lighter out of the pocket of his robes. Scooping a spoonful of powder out of the bag harry added a small amount of water from the glass on the bedside table and then began to heat the liquid using the lighter, he then fumbled with the handle on his bedside drawer before pulling it open and pulling out a

syringe, buried under several pairs of socks, carefully trying not to spill any of the liquid.

He knew there was no point in trying to hide his addiction in his room, no one ever came

in so no one ever saw it, he supposed it was just his own guilt and shame, like he was trying to

hide it from himself. Harry sucked the liquid into the syringe and placed it on the table. He undid his belt and secured it tightly around the top of his arm. His viens became visible through his pale skin, like a maze spreading over his arm. Harry carefully picked up the syringe and carefully removed all the hair before sinking it into one of his veins and releasing the liquid steadily. Thedrug always took a little while to soak into the blood stream so harry lied down under the covers and waited for the pain to go away.

Harry sat at the Gryffindor table staring off into space. This had been the first breakfast he had bothered to go to in over a month and the only reason he had attended was because Draco had told him it would be worth his while. He caught Malfoy's eye, and he saw an evil smirk flash across his face, followed by that familiar evil glint in the eye. Harry shoot a confused glance back at Malfoy, who answered back with what could only be assumed as a typical Malfoy laugh. The rustling of wings drew Harry's attention upwards. The post had arrived; he glanced over at Malfoy, who hadn't taken his eyes off Harry.

"Just what are you up to, Mr. Malfoy," Harry thought to himself, turning his attention back to the owls descending on Gryffindor table he saw a scraggly looking owl make his way directly to Ron. Harry grinned, not knowing why. He saw the owl extend his leg to Ron, who obediently took the letter away. He fed the owl some toast before sending it on its way. Harry saw Hermione and Ron conversing, before turning back to Malfoy, who was shaking with suppressed laughter. He turned back to Malfoy quickly, to see that he was fighting a losing battle. He whirled back to Ron, who had covered his mouth and looking as if he was about to cry. The letter was shoved to Hermione, who seemed to be doing a double take. He decided it was time to find out what was going on. He stood and made his way over to Hermione who looked as though she was also fighting back tears, her hand was to her mouth as she read and re read the letter

"What's up?"

They both looked at Harry, forgetting their "disagreement" for the moment.

"Oh Harry, its awful!" Hermione said about to cry.

"What happened?" Harry asked.

"You-know-who... he, he... oh god, Harry!" Hermione sobbed

"He killed mum, Harry" Ron said quietly

"What? Who has? What are you on about?" Harry asked, genuinely surprised.

Ron handed over the note, which had the official ministry of magic letterhead.

_Dear Mr. Ronald Weasley, _

_ It is my unfortunate duty to inform you that your mother has been killed while defending the wizarding community against you-know-who. She fought gallantly, killing many death eaters before falling herself. We hope that you take the Ministry Of Magic official condolences and will do anything possible to help the pain that you and your family will be suffering. _

_Sincerely yours, _

_Cornelius Fudge _

_Minster of Magic _

Harry glanced up at Malfoy, who was outright laughing. Harry felt a sudden urge of anger for Malfoy, and made a note to confront the boy about it later, wand and fists included.

"Ron, I'm so sorry. If I had of know..."

"But you didn't, and now she's dead!" Ron shouted. "What kind of boy-who-lived are you if you cant even save my mother! You're the one who is supposed to have a 'connection' with the bastard!"

He now had the attention of the great hall

"Ron!" Hermione cried!

"Mione! He could've saved her! I KNOW THAT! He's not the person we know anymore! MY MOTHER'S DEAD! I HATE HIM!" and with that, he stormed out the hall

Harry felt as though he had been slapped. How dare Ron. Who the fuck did he think he was. Harry was so sick of saving people. Whenever anything went right everyone was his friend but the second anything ever went wrong in the wizarding community everyone turned their blame on Harry Potter. Well he was fucking sick of it. Ignoring Hermione's pleas for him to ignore what Ron had said, he left the great hall to and thundered out into the grounds and down to the lake.

Back in the hall, Malfoy saw a sobbing Hermione run out the hall. His laughter died down and settled for a simple smirk. After saying he was going for a walk, and maybe to insult Potter, he sauntered out, intending to find Harry and gloat together. He made his way down to the lake, knowing that's were Harry was. That seemed to be were Harry always was when he wasn't tripping under his bed. He was surprised, when he arrived, to find Harry with red eyes and tear stained cheeks.

Confused, Malfoy sat beside Harry

"Why are you crying, Potter?" he asked

"Why do you THINK I'm crying!" he demanded

"I haven't the faintest idea, Potter." Malfoy said

" I wanted you to get back at Ron, not kill his mother, what kind of sick twisted bastard are you," Harry spat, turning to Draco, looking as though he was ready to pounce at any moment

Malfoy looked confused for a moment, before laughing again.

"Oh god... you th... thought I actually KILLED her!" he stammered through peels of laughter.

"You didn't, did you!" Harry demanded, wand pointed straight at Malfoy's face

"Dear god, no!" he laughed. "I'm a Malfoy, not a murderer!"

He calmed down when he saw Harry's confusion

"You actually thought I killed her?" he asked, incredulous

"Yes, the letter was so real, I mean, how could I not?" Harry asked

" I would never take another persons life... Ron will find out eventually it was all bullshit."

"You sick fuck, I think I love you, in a ... none gay I hate your guts sort of way" Harry's tear stained face split into an ear-to-ear grin.

"Oh, thanks Pothead," Draco smiled back, shaking his head. Poor Potter, so gullible.

"So, how long until he find out?" Harry asked once he controlled himself.

"Oh, soon enough. When the letter comes flying back at him, laughing in his face, screaming that he was screwed over right and royally. Like a howler, but it doesn't burn once its finished. It replays it over and over again until the owner stops it, which I wont be for a LONG time, Potty." Draco said casually, betrayed by his evil tone "and only I can stop it. Dumbledork can't even stop it, silence it, or destroy it. Sometimes its good to have a father who is the Dark Lord's right hand man." Draco sniggered

Harry shifted uncomfortably. He knew only death eaters called Voldemort the Dark Lord. Perhaps Draco was so used to him being referred to that at home that he had adopted the term.

"So anyway... Potty? What's going on? Why're u silent?" Malfoy asked. "Laugh, insult something, I dunno!"

Harry shook himself

"Yeah, sorry, what's next on the list?"

" Give me a break Pothead, it took me a month to put this one together. By the way you look like shit, what's wrong?" Draco's eyes showed a glint of concern and Harry cringed. The last thing he wanted was a lecture.

" Jeez thanks Malfoy, you sure know how to make someone feel special," Harry stated sarcastically before pulling himself to his feet. "I'm so glad its Saturday. I can catch up on some of the work I missed."

" What subject?" Draco asked, getting to his feet with a loud groan.

" Potions, Snape is such a bitch."

"Just because you're such an invalid and can't understand anything to do with the subject doesn't make the professor the bitch. Its not the professor, its the student." Malfoy quoted with a roll of his eyes. "Everyone knows that."

Harry groaned and said, "Yeah yeah, doesn't help that Snape hates me for who my father is. I'm not my father, but HE cant get that." he paused. "Forget I said that to you."

Draco raised his eyebrow questioningly but dismissed it.

"If you want some help I'm up to date with all my school work. But if I do help you, you have to do it my way with no complaints or arguments," Draco brushed the bum of his robes, he really needed to start bringing a mat down with him.

Harry sighed and said, "Sure, I'll think bout it. I'm sure Snape's prized student can help a pathetic case as my own."

Malfoy smirked and said, "If I can go out with Pansy with no feelings for her that don't go past friendship, I'm sure I can help you, Potter."

Harry scowled, "That's two different situations. She's a friend, I'm a sworn rival." he pouted.

Draco ran a hand through his hair and grinned. "Not so much a friend, more an aquintance I will one day be forced to marry and produce offspring with."

" Ok, well, you can help me.. if you have to," Harry turned and made his way up to the castle, closely followed bye Draco.

A/N ok, I know it took a little longer to up date then usual but please forgive me? U can review and tell me how annoying it is :P:P:P

Thanks to my beta who not only made it readable but helped me write it!

Love you all


	11. You're all so going to kill me!

"Wow so you're actually living in the room of requirement?" Draco asked when Harry led him up to his room.

"Yeah I suppose I am. I don't have anywhere else to stay at the moment, and no one seems to notice or care so… here I am," Harry opened his bag and fished out his potions essay. The bookcase next to his bed held some excellent reference books, which seemed to change according to what he wanted to research.

Harry chose three books and set his work up on the big oak desk across from his bed. Harry sat in the chair and Draco knelt next to him.

They began work, scanning the books for information with Draco adding his own bits and pieces here and there. Harry never realized how talented Draco was in the field of potions. He always thought Snape gave him good marks because of who he was rather then what he could do.

They finished the potions work in two hours, a lot shorter space of time then Harry would have managed if he were on his own. Draco then left Harry to retrieve his transfiguration homework, one of Harry's strong points academically.

By the time Draco had come back and they finished their transfiguration homework together, it was 8 at night, Harry had spent the whole day with Draco and not only had they not argued once, but Harry had enjoyed it. It was too late to go down to dinner so Harry and Draco made their way down to the kitchens to grab a bite to eat.

Harry entered the kitchen by tickling the pear and called out to Dobby who came running and went to launch himself at Harry, but then spotted Draco. He stopped in mid jump, his face the picture of terror. Falling flat on his face he shuffled backwards and hid behind one of the many ovens that littered the kitchen.

"Dobby? So this is where you ended up," Draco sneered, stalking behind the oven and picking Dobby up by the shoulders.

"Malfoy, leave him the fuck alone." Harry stormed over to Draco and snatched Dobby from his grip, who then clung to Harry desperately.

"Dude relax, I wasn't going to hit him or anything. He was just a house elf. I'd just been curious where he ended up after my father sacked him."

"Well now you know. Dobby, would it be possible to get some food to go? We spent all day studying and missed mealtimes." Harry gently placed Dobby back on the floor. Dobby nodded and smiled at Harry, before rushing past Draco, his head down.

"Do you enjoy injecting fear into the hearts of innocent creatures?" Harry asked, only half joking.

"You can't blame me if he automatically thinks I am the same as my father. I had nothing to do with the house elves. I didn't punish any of them or even address them so there are no grounds for his fear." Draco leant against the oven and withdrew quickly, swearing.

"Fuck fuck fuck, I just burnt myself. Shit," Draco pulled up his shirt and revealed an already reddening patch of skin on his hip.

" You dag, show me." Harry came over and crouched down beside him, eyeing the burn.

"It's pretty bad Draco, you should go and see Madam Pomfrey." Harry ran a finger over it and Draco cringed.

"No, no Harry! Please! I can't go to Madam Pomfrey." Draco's eyes were now tinged with fear.

"What? Why?" Harry stared up and Draco curiously.

"I'll tell you another time. Just trust me, going to Madam Pomfrey really isn't a good idea. Please Harry, just trust me on this." Draco looked so pathetic that Harry didn't press the matter further. But what could have been so bad that Draco couldn't face her?

" Ok well when the food arrives we'll need to get a cold jug of water and some towels. If you refuse to go to Madam Pomfrey, then we'll have to take care of it the muggle way." Harry expected Draco to protest but he just nodded. Harry clambered to his feet and a few minutes later Dobby presented them with a tray laddered with food. Harry smiled and thanked Dobby before requesting a jug of icy water and some towels. He was presented with his request seconds later.

Harry took the tray of food and Draco the water and the towels. Holding the cold jug against his burn the whole way up, his eyes were filled with tears.

" You ok?" Harry asked tentatively. Shifting the weight of the try from one arm to another.

"Yeah, it just really really hurts. I have a low pain threshold." Draco grinned at Harry and they made their way up back up to Harry's room.

When they arrived Harry set the food down on the table and told Draco to lie down on his bed.

" No Harry, I'm not in the mood to have wild passionate sex with you tonight," Draco grinned.

"Don't be disgusting Draco," Harry said, jabbing Draco's burn. Draco whimpered in pain before lying on the bed.

"Want to know what I think?"

" No, but I'm sure your going to tell me," Harry dampened one of the towels in the icy liquid and pulled Draco's top up, lying the towel on his blistering flesh.

Draco sighed before continuing. " I think it's so dark in the closet you can't see the truth mate. That's why you pretend to be such a homophobe. Your just afraid of what you don't have the guts to be."

" I think you need to shut the fuck up Malfoy." Harry turned threateningly towards Draco, who just smiled knowingly.

He had touched a sore point and gotten the exact reaction he was after. Harry cursed himself inwardly for taking the bait. He turned to the food and took a chicken leg, tearing the meat off.

"Could you pass me a couple?" Draco asked, still grinning. Harry heaped 5 onto a plate and handed them to Draco before taking off the towel, rinsing it in cold water and re-applying it

Draco cringed and tensed when it was re applied but eventually his muscles

Relaxed again. He tucked into the chicken like he hadn't eaten in months.

"So, why is it you fear madam pomfrey so?" Harry asked plopping himself onto the end of the bed at Draco's feet. Draco promptly stopped eating and placed the half finished chicken leg back on the plate. He looked at Harry skeptically, as though determining whether he was worth an answer or not.

"If I tell you this Harry, you can't tell anyone. If I find out you have I will not hesitate in killing you. This is more important then even the other secret of mine you know. So again I warn you, only agree to keep it a secret if you are positive you will be able to." Harry smiled until he realized Draco was dead serious.

"Jesus Draco, what is it? I promise you your secrets safe with me."

"Well… it started two years ago when my heart was broken for the first time."

A/N SHE"S GONE CRAZY! HOW DARE SHE LEAVE US WITH A CLIFF HANGER! Well my dears, its because I love you that I cliff hanger you because I have a present. A 5000 word chapter ( which is roughly 4 times longer then this one) IN A WEEK! So that's may the 20th dudes! If it isn't in by then I give you permission to send death threats. Love you all, especially my loyal reviewers and my beautiful, spectacular beta Sarah, whose on tough biatch to work for let me tell you!


	12. ok, its long you better love me or i'll ...

/n just a quick note to Dragenphly, thank you very much for your review, I read through a couple of previous chapters and I see what you mean. as you probably know spell check doesn't pick up on single letter as spelling mistakes and I find it incredibly hard to check my own work, but I will definitely make a conscious effort to not re-offend in future. Also with the scenes moving to quickly It's because I'm trying to set up the story in as few chapters as possible so I can get to the story line, which must be a pain in the bum for you guys so yeah, I'm sorry about that to, hope you keep reading though! And to all my other reviewers I took a chance with leaving you on the cliffhanger, especially with such a sappy line so I hope your still with me. Thank you all for your support and your kind words. And to **creepy clown doll**, I do it because I care )

" He was the son of a friend of my fathers. He was from Australia, but was on holiday to England. He goes to the English wizarding school, Brigandine. Have you ever heard of it?" Draco paused but Harry shook his head in reply so he continued. " It's a very prestigious wizarding school. One of the top. The reason they don't compete in the tri wizard tournament is because the school is only 150 years old so it wasn't around when the tournament was invented. Any way I'm getting side tracked. "

Draco sat up and rinsed the towel in the cold water again before re applying it to his burn. "He was beautiful. Blonde hair, green eyes, freckles. He didn't have a perfect body or anything but he had… this feeling about him that screamed out to the world he was special. We became very close and our fathers encouraged it. My father Is Voldemort's top man in England, and his father is Voldemort's top man in Australia, so our friendship could only mean good things for a new generation of death eaters I suppose.

I fell quickly and deeply for him, wanting to spend every waking second with him. He eventually realized my true feelings towards him and instead of freaking out, like I thought he would, he told me he returned them. That's when we started "going out." I lost my virginity to him and to this day he is the most passionate lover I have ever experienced. I was hooked from our first kiss and he lead on that he was to."

Draco looked as though he was about to cry. Harry stood and walked around the bed and sat next to him, cross-legged. Draco smiled at him before continuing.

"Eventually it came time for him to go home. I told him we could correspond by letters and I could come and see him on my holidays. He said thanks but no thanks. You were a holiday fuck, nothing more. He had a fiancé back home who he was going to marry once they both turned 18. I was heart broken. Shattered. At first I went into denial, like everyone does I suppose. I used to think the only reason he dumped me was because he was to scared to get close to me encase he got hurt. Then I used to think he'd come crawling back to me once he realized what he had lost. These fantasies were dashed when his father sent mine a photo of the two of them embracing at one of the school dances. It was then I realized it was my fault he had dumped me. I obviously wasn't good enough for him. I was obviously just a worthless chunk of meat that he screwed because he could rather then because he had true feelings for me."

Draco angrily wiped the tears from his eyes, his voice now taking on a bitter tone.

"I turned the hatred I should have felt for him inward. I hated myself and still idolized him in my own mind. A miss placed infatuation; I think you could call it. But for the first time in my entire life I hated what I saw when I looked in the mirror. I saw a fat, ugly, worthless piece of shit. So I stopped eating. Hunger is no match for self-loathing. And when I did eat I punished myself for doing so. For example I'd purge, throwing up what I ate. Otherwise I would drink 10 litres of water over a 5-hour period, practically making myself sick. I got a sick sort of enjoyment out of the water punishment though, it was the only time I actually felt full. I lost 20 kilos in a month. I went from 70 to 50 but my goal weight was 45. The thing that saddens me the most about it is that no one noticed. I didn't have any one in my life close enough to notice that I was starving myself to death. I started taking illegal diet pills. They are basically legal speed. I had tried everything I could possibly find magic wise, but there aren't many alternatives. So that's when my problems really started. Not only did I get down to 45 kilos, but also pushed it even further and dropped down to 43 kilos. But still whenever I looked in the mirror, all I saw was a fat, hideous creature that didn't deserve life. I was eating 5 sticks of carrot and litre upon litre of water a day. I was fainting, I couldn't concentrate and my skin had practically turned translucent. I was so malnourished that I didn't do a shit for three weeks. It was only when Professor Snape found me unconscious on the dungeon floor after a lesson that I got the help I desperately needed. I was rushed to the infirmary and put on a drip. Madam Pomfrey refused to use magic on me, even in the beginning. She said that if I was going to get better and stay better I had to go through the hard yards to do so. Jeez it was hard, Harry, you have no idea. And some of the screaming matches I had with her. At one stage I had to be bound to the bed so I couldn't kill myself or someone else. Some of the darkest days of my life I spent in that hospital wing. But I eventually forced myself to get better with the help of Madam Pomfrey. After a week on a drip, she thought I was ready for solid foods again. We started small, a piece of fruit for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch and a slice of meat and peas for dinner. But it would take me sometimes 3 hours just to finish the sandwich. I would constantly play with it. Cut it up into tiny pieces and place it is different patterns on the plate.

Madam Pomfrey said that it was a side effect of my anxiety about eating. It was weird. It was like I had suddenly developed something along the lines of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Eventually I started to get better. Madam Pomfrey said I wasn't aloud out of the hospital wing until I read 60 kilos. She had sent a note home to my parents to inform them of the situation and what she was doing. The only reply she got was that they understood the situation. They never requested information about my recovery. They never came to see me, nothing. Madam Pomfrey turned into my chef, my guardian, my councillor and my doctor. I disclosed things to her I never have to another human being. The day I left the hospital wing she cried, hugged me, kissed my cheek and sent me on my way. I haven't been there since. Its probably cowardice that's kept me away but you have no idea what its like to have to face someone who has saved your life, and held your hand when you cried. She carried me through one of the weakest points of my life, and I can't face her to say thank you." Draco fell silent and gave into the sobs that had been building up inside him since he started. Harry's eyes had filled with tears to and he shuffled closer to Draco and laid an awkward arm around his shoulders. Draco lost control completely and started sobbing against Harry's chest. Harry wrapped his arms around Draco and held him tightly, he felt as though if he let go Draco was going to fall apart. After an hour or so Draco's sobs subsided into random hiccupped whimpers. He eventually pulled away from Harry, embarrassed at his outburst, but Harry stopped caring. It was ticking close to three and he was beginning to feel the effects of his come down coming on. His arms had started to itch and his foot had started twitching, tapping against the corner post of the four poster bed.

" Harry… what's wrong?" Draco looked concern and Harry shook his head.

" Nothing… nothing, but you have to go now ok? Please? Please just go?" Harry began scratching his arm feverishly, he needed a hit and he needed one now.

" Harry stop, your making yourself bleed," Draco tried to stop Harry from scratching but he wasn't powerful enough.

" GET THE FUCK OUT DRACO, JUST GET OUT!" Harry screamed, pushing Draco off the bed. Draco scrambled to his feet and backed away towards the door but seemed to change his mind and remained rooted to the spot. Harry had curled into the foetal position, twitching. He started gnawing up and down his arms.

" Draco, can you get the powder from my trunk please? Please Draco I really need some. Please Draco, don't just stand there get it. PLEASE DRACO GET IT, I need it, please, please, please," Harry started pleading and begging Draco who didn't know what to do, so he just did what Harry had asked him. He opened the trunk at the end of the bed and found a plastic bag full of green powder, he handed it to Harry who shook his head.

" I can't, just add some to one of the cups of water, hurry Draco I'm going to be sick," Harry clutched his stomach as Draco plopped a spoonful of the powder into a glass of water. He hurried back to Harry and pushed him onto his back, lifting the glass to his lips. Harry drank gratefully and returned to his position. Eventually he began to relax and Draco let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. Harry sat up and groaned, holding his head.

" Ugh, it wasn't enough, Draco please just go, I don't want you to see this, its ugly and pointlessly stupid," Harry pleaded with Draco who just shook his head. Harry took a spoonful of powder and followed the same procedure he had every night for what felt like a century. He sighed as he injected the drug into his veins, the high only lasted a few seconds now days and he was needing more and more just to feel normal.

" You're a fucking drug addict Harry? What the fuck? How could you be so stupid!" Draco screamed, disgusted at what he had not only observed but also contributed to.

"How dare you judge me, after what you just told me," Harry's strength had returned and he stood to face off with Draco.

" Yeah, but I was a fucking idiot. I know that now. Jesus Harry. You need help."

" I know ok! I know. Do you think I want to be like this? Do you think I enjoy injecting this shit into my veins just to feel a part of normality? I can't stop it Draco, I've tried and I can't stop it." Harry sunk onto the bed and held his head in his hands.

" You can't do stuff like this alone Harry. Ask Dumbledore for some time off from school. He won't say no to you, you're his golden boy. Give me the drugs and I won't give them back to you. I'll be here for you and I'll help you over come this Harry, I've been here before, just lay it all down on me and I'll help you to stand it. I'll read up on addictions so we can both share the pain ok?"

Harry ran his hands roughly through his hair. He knew he didn't have a choice but he was scared of what giving up meant. He was terrified of the comedowns, so scared he was hesitant in accepting Draco's help.

" Jeez we make a good pair eh? A recovering anorexic and a fucked up drug addict."

Draco just smiled in reply, knowing this was Harry's way of accepting his help.

"You don't need to do this though Draco. Don't think you owe me anything because you don't."

" Harry… I assure you, you're worth it. Now what I need you to do is to give me that bag to take away with me and anything else the drugs have touched that I can destroy. Its just so you don't have temptations around you to fall back in to old habits." Draco took the bag of powder from the bed and Harry groaned and rubbed his face vigorously with his hands before standing. He collected the spoon, the needles, and the cup and handed it to Draco, who placed them in his bag, informing Harry he would destroy them later.

" Ok, so do the side effects kick in about this time every night or does it vary?" Draco asked, it was creeping 4 o'clock and he was exhausted.

" Yeah, starts at about 2 and gets steadily worse until 3."

" Ok, well unless I see you before hand I'll come here at 1:30. I suggest you use tomorrow to sleep, you have an incredibly shitty few days ahead of you."

"Yeah, again thanks for everything. Just a warning… I may say things tomorrow I don't mean. It's going to be really nasty," Harry walked Draco to the door.

"Yeah I know. I'll see you then dude. Sleep well." Harry just nodded and Draco left Harry alone to dread tomorrow.

Harry woke the next afternoon and wondered why it was he felt so dreadful., then the hole scene early that morning with Draco came flooding back to him. Hedwig was perched at the window seal, 3 letters on the floor beneath her. Harry dragged himself out of bed and retrieved the letters from the floor, opening the one from his pen pal first.

_Dear you,_

_I can't say that I understand what you're talking about completely, but in some way I can understand. I know the feeling in some aspects of what you say. But I have a question for you. I'm not sure I should be asking, but since we don't know who we are to each other, it will be okay._

_Okay, here goes. Have you ever felt that your life has been out of your control? Like it was planned for you? I want to do so many things, but have my entire life planned for me with no visible way of escaping, that I cannot possibly do what I desire. I mean, if I really wanted to escape so badly there would be ways for me to, but I am afraid of what would happen._

_I've gone through… many things during my life. Some things I cannot reflect upon for fear of them returning. Many do not understand that it is a problem, not just a way for people to take notice of me. I don't pride myself on being what others make me out to be, if you can understand. They make things up. Some things are true; I must admit that not all are false, but most just spin out of control… like many things tend to do._

_I feel I must leave it here before I say something that may put you off writing to me again. And I apologise for making you wait so long. Homework was building up faster than I thought it would._

_Me._

Harry grinned to himself. He could never have any normal friends… but he supposed he liked it that way. He had steadily drifted apart from Hermione and Ron because he had matured in some ways far more quickly then they had. It saddened him in a way that his childhood friends could no longer entertain him, but it was all just a part of growing up. Harry opened the next letter and was incredibly relieved to see Fred's scrawl.

_Dear Harry,_

_I am so sorry you have been dragged into this. The batch we received and gave to you was laced with muggle drugs. They fuck you up pretty badly and in extreme cases can cause you to hallucinate. He wouldn't tell us wether it was heroin or acid so we think he could have mixed it. I don't know if that's possible cause I'm not really up to date with muggle drugs but that's just what we suspect. . We have been selling it to others in the wizarding community as well and now have an angry mob of addicts after us. I'm so, so sorry Harry. We are in a huge amount of trouble for what has happened, but I beg you, please don't tell Ron and Ginny._

_Our supplier laced the drug so the users got addicted so they would need more and make him more money. We were so stupid to get involved and there is nothing I regret more then bringing you into it._

_Idiotically yours,_

_Fred and George._

Harry was furious. Even though he suspected it he couldn't believe Fred and George would get him caught up in such a situation. They didn't seem to understand just how badly they had fucked up his life and then had the nerve to ask him not to tell any one what they had done.

Fuming Harry tore open the third letter.

_Dear Harry, _

_I'll be around at one in the morning. I'll bring some food with me to keep us pre occupied. See you then,_

_Draco. _

Harry didn't even want to contemplate tonight's events, so he dressed and made his way downstairs for some lunch. He was starving but regretted his choice of eating venue the second he entered. Ron came marching up to him, the letter chasing him,. Screaming about how much of a dickhead he was to be tricked etc. Harry groaned and rolled his eyes.

"Is this your idea of a joke? Do you think telling me my mother has died is amusing? What kind of sick fucked up person are you?" Ron screamed at him, trying to swat away the letter that was now dive bombing him.

" Ron, I had nothing to do with this… why is it your always so fucking quick to blame me hey? Ever thought someone else in this school thinks you're a total dickhead as well?" Harry pushed past Ron, loaded a plate with food and headed down towards the lake. It was a beautiful day outside. Clouds danced across the light blue sky and it was a little bit cool, just the way Harry liked it. He grinned to himself when he saw a familiar mop of blond hair peeking up through the long grass next to the lake. When he approached he made to step on Draco, who sat up quickly.

" Aw sorry mate, didn't see you down there." Harry smirked and sat next to Draco.

" Fucking smart ass," Draco said, picking blades of grass out of his hair. He lent over and stole a piece of toast from Harry's plate.

" So what are you doing out here instead of stalking the dungeons, looking for little baby bunny's to decapitate?" Harry asked, stealing Draco's position and lying out flat on the grass, staring up at the sky.

" Just contemplating tonight's events. Thinking about what I've gotten myself into," Draco replied honestly.

" You can back out you know? Just give me back the stuff and call it a day if you prefer."

" Ha! Couldn't possibly make it that easy on you. Just because I fed you the story yesterday doesn't mean I've turned into a soppy-hearted fool. I have no patience or pity for drug addicts. Having been down the same road. You chose to inject the drug into your body therefore your responsible for it. No one else. Not your circumstances or the people around you. If you decide to be the pussy I know you are and not give up, that's fine, I'll give you the shit back now and you can continue on with this pathetic version of life. Or you can quit and I will help you," Draco stole Harry's last bit of toast and stuffed it into his mouth.

Harry sighed deeply. He was so comfortable lying in the cool grass. He wished he could lie there forever but he knew Draco was waiting for an answer.

" I said yes to your help yesterday. What do you want a fucking written invitation," Harry rolled over onto his stomach and rested his head on his arms. Fucking Malfoy. Acting so bloody high and mighty.

"A written invitation would be nice, but I'll settle for verbal insult instead. I'll come around tonight. At 12:00 cause I have Transfiguration today and I could use your help with the mountain of homework I'm bound to get. Fucking McGonagall, she favours the Gryffindor's so much," Harry rolled his eyes and watched Draco walk up to the castle.

" I suppose I should go talk to Dumbledore about some time off," Harry sighed into his arms, but he really didn't want to get up.

Harry stayed in this position for another half an hour, enjoying the contrast of the sun warming his back and the cool grass beneath, he eventually forced himself to get up when he felt himself nod off. He'd need his wits about him.

Dragging himself up to the castle he stopped off at a bathroom on the way to see Dumbledore. Looking at himself in the mirror for the first time in ages he realized how shit he was really looking. Even his usually lively, flyaway hair hung limply around his face.

Harry scrubbed his face hard with soap and water and ran a wet hand through his hair; trying to make him self look presentable. Harry headed towards Dumbledore's office and was only a few paces away when he realized he didn't have his password.

"Hello Harry, I've been waiting for you," Dumbledore snuck up on Harry from behind and scared the shit out him. Wheeling around Harry found himself face to face with the silver bearded, twinkle eyed old fool.

"How do you do that?" Harry inquired as the gargoyle jumped aside when its master quoted, "Jellybeans."

"I have many spies in this castle. All of which only answer to me. " Dumbledore stated simply, sitting in the chair behind the desk and directing Harry to the one he had perched upon many times in previous years.

"So Harry, how can I help you?" Dumbledore asked. Harry suspected he knew full well why he was here but played along.

"I need some time off. Things have just gotten too much and I need a week off to sort my head out."

"Ok Harry. You can have the time off. As long as you continue studying Defence Against the Dark Arts in your spare time. You will need it for the war looming ahead. As you know Voldemort is steadily growing stronger and gathering an army of supporters. You are one of the only things standing in the way of him succeeding. I'm incredibly disappointed that you gave up on Quidditch. Your broom skills could have come in handy." Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Harry tried to contain his frustration. He hadn't rejoined the quidditch team once he returned to Hogwarts because he no longer had the motivation for it. He no longer felt that tingle in his stomach when he mounted his broom and it saddened him beyond anything else. It used to be his escape from the world. If he had an issue he used to just be able to fly away from it but now the thought of getting back on his broom almost…scared him. But that's not what was pushing Harry's buttons. How dare Dumbledore place that pressure on his shoulders? How dare he laden him with this burden, like the only reason he existed was to kill Voldemort.

"Ok, I'll continue studying Defence Against the Dark Arts. But it will probably by closer to 2 weeks that I'll be off. Since I now have to prepare myself to fight a war by myself. Since no one else seems to want to take responsibility for helping me," Harry stood and walked to the door without farewelling Dumbledore.

"Oh and Harry, its ok if you stay in the Room of Requirement." Harry turned back and faced Dumbledore who just smiled.

"Thank you sir," Harry said, before quickly departing.

He couldn't hate Dumbledore, but he couldn't like him either. Not at the moment. He knew Dumbledore was just being frank with him, which is what he wanted. And he hadn't mentioned Sirius to him, which is what he wanted to. At least its what he thought he wanted.

Harry made his way back to the Room of Requirement. He knew he would be out of action for a few days and had to prepare himself to be a total fucking mess.

When Draco walked in that night Harry was sitting on his bed, legs crossed with his eyes closed, 2 strings coming from his ears and connecting to a silver round thing that was sitting on his lap. He knocked on the door behind him but Harry didn't stir. Draco, curious at this stage, walked over to the bed and brought his hand down heavily on Harry's shoulder. Harry jumped out of his skin for the 2nd time that day.

" Fuck Draco, don't you knock? I could have been naked or something."

Draco visually shuddered. " As…interesting… as that image would be I did knock. You didn't answer cause you had these thingy's in your ears." Draco picked up one of the strings with the nobly thing attached to the end and showed it to Harry.

"Heh, oh you wizarding scum. It's a disc man. You can't tell me you've never seen a disc man before." Harry put the two pieces of string in Draco's ear and pressed play.

_Never thought you'd make me perspire  
Never thought I'd do you the same  
Never thought I'd fill with desire  
Never thought I'd feel so ashamed _

_Me and the dragon  
Can chase all the pain away  
So before I end my day  
Remember _

_My sweet prince you are the one_

_My sweet prince you are the one_

"Hey I know this song!" Draco pulled the two string thingy's from his ear and looked up at Harry excitably.

"Would you like a medal or shall I write it on your chest?" Harry asked, smirking.

"Hey smartass, that's my smirk. Nuh I heard it last holidays at Pansy's house. She had err… what do you call them... those BC players?"

"You mean CD player?" Harry inquired, enjoying Draco's ignorance.

"Yeah one of those. Her mum bought it because she has this fascination with muggle shit. She has this spell that means she can run it without plugs and such. Any way she used to play this song over and over and say it was our song. She's lucky I loved the song or I would have had to kill her." Draco smiled at the memory.

Harry eyed the cardboard box in Draco's arms.

"What's that?" Harry asked, pointing to the box.

"Well I didn't see you at dinner and I didn't want to give you hunger as an excuse to leave the room, so I bought you some food. Dobby was really helpful. He's still a squeaky, pathetic sort of creature. I also bought some…other things. "

"Other things?" Harry stood and walked over to Draco, taking the box from him. He carefully took out the plate gladdened with food and the large bottle of water. Underneath he found a large rope, some duck tape, some potion Harry knew to be a simple pain killing potion they had brewed earlier in the year, large blocks of chocolate and some books.

"I just wanted to be prepared for any situation. I read up on some withdrawals and they aren't very nice at all. I heard sweet things can sometimes help and that you need to stay really hydrated cause you'll be puking tons... and I bought the rope and duck tape to keep you here during the day for the first couple of days while I have to go to school. I don't care whether you want me to or not you agreed to my help so this is how we are going to do it."

Harry opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. He hadn't even thought of some of these things and he was glad Draco had. Except the tying up thing.

Draco spread the contents of the box onto the table before sitting cross-legged on the floor, looking up at Harry who had sat himself down again onto the bed.

"So Pothead. What shall we do to pass the hours?" Ask Draco looking around the room.

Harry shrugged. " There are some board games in the bookshelf. A deck of cards to. We could play strip poker," Smiled Harry, only half joking.

"As tempting as that sounds how about we play just ordinary poker? Though there isn't really a point considering we both know I'll be the superior player." Harry rolled his eyes and made his way over to the bookcase; fishing out the deck of cards he had seen there previously. Sitting on the floor across from Draco he shuffled and dealt the cards.

"So, are you scared about tonight?" asked Draco, picking up his cards and eyeing them.

"Terrified," Harry neatened the rest of the deck and place it in between them.

A small smile played across Draco's lips. Harry didn't know whether it was because of his hand or because he was about to play a part in Harry's misery.

A/n sigh o.k. that chapter was just a chapter to set up all the exciting bits which premier in the next chapter! In the next chappie there will be some Draco Harry action because I'm dying to write some! Ok so I know a lot of you are going HOW COULD YOU MAKE HARRY NOT LIKE FLYING YOU EVIL EVIL EVIL PERSON! Its part of the plot I promise. So, a preview of the next chappie:-

- Harry Draco action

- More pen pal shenanigans

- Harry in huge amounts of pain and discomfort from withdrawal symptoms

- A waterfall

- Draco being his assholish, prickish, hatred inducing self that we all know and desperately love!

Hope you enjoyed it guys. I'm hoping to keep chapters after this 2000 words and do one or two a week!


	13. Chapter 13

Harry could feel Draco pulling back his hair as he puked his guts up into the bucket next to the bed.

"DON'T TOUCH ME YOU FUCKING SCUM," Harry screamed, trying to push Draco away; but he was so weak. The vomiting and constant shuddering that wracked his body had left him weak as a kitten, lying on the bed in the foetal position, wrapped around the puke bucket which Draco magically cleaned each time.

Draco recoiled slightly, moving to the edge of the bed to give Harry some room. Harry wretched but he had thrown up so much there was nothing left to bring up.

"What kind of sick fuck are you? How can you sit there and watch someone throw up and in so much pain knowing you can help them, but refuse to do so? I hate you, you sick prick," Harry moaned into the pillow clutching his stomach. Draco rolled Harry onto his back and retrieved a cold cloth, wiping his face.

"Please Draco, please, just a little bit, PLEASE DRACO," Harry pleaded and begged against Draco's shoulder, clutching him as tightly as he could to him, sobbing into his robes before beginning to wretch again, Draco clambered to get to the bowl and hand it to Harry before he vomited.

"Please Draco," Harry screamed, his screeching voice filling Draco's head.

"I can't Harry, it's been almost 6 hours, you're doing so fucking well mate, I can't do it now. I have to go soon though, in 2 hours to attend classes. I can't take any time off. You'll be okay though, Harry," Draco whispered.

He hated leaving Harry. He thought it was so fucking unfair that he couldn't stop him from feeling so much hurt without giving him the drugs that were causing the hurt in the first place. But he had to be strong, just like he knew Harry could be.

"FUCK YOU DRACO, I HATE YOU, YOU BEACHED WHALE, YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOURSELF, I WISH YOU WERE DEAD, I HATE YOU," Harry continued to scream at him, cursing at him, spitting at him, fighting to get to him, to hurt him. Draco knew he was only doing it to get to him. It was the drugs talking, not Harry, but he couldn't help but look at himself in the mirror. He had put on some weight. Maybe a little bit too much. You could hardly see his hip or collar bones any more.

"Stop being a fuckwit Draco, he's only saying it 'cause he knows it will get to you," Draco turned his attention back to Harry, who had seemed to calm down slightly.

"Have some chocolate, at least you'll have something to throw up, and then I have to go. I have to have breakfast and go to class, but I will be back during lunch and straight after class ok? You'll be alright Harry." Draco handed Harry a reasonable size of chocolate before collecting his cloak which lay on the floor and wrapping himself in it. Harry nibbled the chocolate but pushed it away, he couldn't eat anything at the moment. Draco sighed and retrieved the rope he had bought with him off the table before returning to Harry and beginning to bind his left hand to the bed post. He was halfway through binding his right when Harry spoke.

"Draco, just out of curiosity… why don't you just use your wand to tie me up instead of using the muggle way?"

Harry had a slight grin on his face when he realized that the idea hadn't even occurred to Draco.

"Shut up, Potter," Draco completed the knot and left Harry alone.

Harry approximated it was an hour since Draco left that the cold sweats and blinding headache started. He was desperate for some pain relief, even just some bloody Panadol, but couldn't get to them because they were sitting on the desk and he was tied up. Draco arrived back at lunch time to find Harry worse then when he left. He was drenched in sweat, his voice horse from screaming out in pain. When Draco released Harry's arms from the rope binding them he had thick rings of rope burn circling his wrist from where he had not only been tossing and turning, trying to get into a comfortable position and trying to ease the pain, but where he had been straining against the ropes, trying to work his way free.

"Give me some fucking Panadol," Harry croaked, exhausted. Draco hurried to the desk and popped out two Panadol, pouring Harry a large glass of water from the jug on the bedside table. Harry took the Panadol's gratefully, gulping down the water and lying back on the bed.

"How do you feel?" Draco asked softly, cringing inwardly at the withering look Harry shot his way. "Ok then, how about you have a shower? It might make you feel better," Draco suggested, putting Harry's glass back on the bedside table. Without replying Harry dragged himself to the edge of bed and got shakily to his feet, shuffling over to the bathroom and closing the door behind him. Draco sighed deeply and flopped onto Harry's bed before groaning and sitting straight back up again. His covers where soaked with sweat. Draco retrieved his wand from his pocket and dried the covers best he could. There were fresh ones in the cupboard, but he couldn't be fucked changing them, especially if Harry was just going to get back in and sweat them all up again.

Draco lifted his head as the bathroom door opened five minutes later to see Harry standing on the threshold covered in white goo and moaning.

"Harry, what the fuck happened?" Draco asked, walking over to Harry.

"What? Oh... the water hurts my skin and the baby powder helped a little bit," Harry slid clean pyjama pants on under the towel before unfastening the towel and wiping the excess baby powder off his chest and arms.

Draco, though they where completely under the wrong circumstances, couldn't help but watch Harry wipe himself down. He wasn't as muscly has Draco imagined him to be when he saw him with his Quidditch gear on. His white skin was stretched over his slender frame, his arms and legs had some muscle tone but he was generally rather gangly, the way Draco liked his partners. Draco raked his eyes over Harry's flat stomach and onto his hip bones which where only half covered by Harry's low slung pyjama pants.

"Jeez Draco, way to be subtle about checking me out," Harry grinned cheekily before his smile faded and he clutched his stomach, sinking into the bed.

"I so was not checking you out, jeez even when you completely fucked you're still a big headed mole," Draco sat on the bed and made a mental note to keep his line of focus above Harry's shoulders.

"Any way I have to go. You're over half a day into it, and you're doing pretty good. You'll be fine ok? I left the daily prophet for you to flick through but I have to go back to classes, alright? Shit I'm late, I have to go, see you later Pothead." Draco grabbed his stuff and hurried out the door, leaving Harry once again, entirely alone.

Harry's mind felt as though it was drowning in a fog of agony and discomfort, when his head wasn't pounding and his hole body shaking he was retching into the bucket beside his bed. Eventually the withdrawal symptoms eased long enough for Harry to formulate a plan to get his fix.

With the marauders map in one hand, his wand in the other and covered with the invisibility cloak Harry found himself waddling deep into the dungeons, glancing at the map occasionally to ensure he was still on the right track and that no one was around, but mainly focusing on not throwing up. He finally found himself at the entrance to the Slytherin common room. Harry glanced at the map, hoping with every fibre of his being that he had made a correct assumption. Holding his breath he watched the small figure on the map that represented him sprout a speech bubble.

"Pure blood," Harry said allowed, a tone of uncertainty in his voice, the entrance unlocked… he was in.

"What a bunch of unoriginal cockspanks," Harry muttered to himself, clutching the invisibility cloak to himself as he walked down the stone walled corridor. He found himself in the Slytherins vast common room. He had been here once before but it still struck him the contrast between the warm and welcoming Gryffindor common room and the cold, soulless Slytherin common room he found himself in.

Harry made to stride across the Slytherin common room but stopped mid step when he noticed a familiar, now tattered envelope on the floor half hidden under one of the disgusting green couches. Harry began to bend down to pick it up but caught sight of the map and quickly straightened, continuing his journey towards the dorm rooms. Malfoy was coming.

&$

Draco hurried towards the common room in a distinctly un-Malfoyish trot. He had left his Transfiguration book on his bed and Professor McGonagall had allocated him a 5 minute time limit to retrieve the piece of literature or the you-know-what would definitely hit the fan.

Striding across the common room Draco clambered the stairs to his dorm. He was puffing by now and for the 5th time that week made a mental note to get fitter. Finally reaching his room Draco threw open the door just in time to see Harry inject the green liquid into his arm.

&$

Harry was running as fast as his legs would carry him. Brushing trees and shrubs out of his way as he went. They were chasing him, they wanted to hurt him, he had to get away, and he had to escape. Harry could feel the crunching leaves under his feet and hear the thundering footsteps of his predator closing in behind him, their hot, sweaty breath tickling the back of his neck. Harry sped up, swerving this way and that until he came to a large red river; Harry turned left and ran next to the river, desperately searching for a way to cross it. Looking over his shoulder he could see the shadow figure of his pursuer getting closer.

Harry could hear the sound of rushing water, he continued on running until he came to a cliffs edge. Metres away the red river widened into a gushing water fall. Harry looked over his shoulder again, his pursuer was getting closer. Harry breathed in deeply, closed his eyes and jumped.


	14. Sorry

A/N hey chickens, what's shaking? This chappies short and sweet so you better or love it, the next ones almost finished so it will be up soon,fluffy bits in the next one I promise x 1000000, love you all, especially my wonderful, beautiful, incredibley shexi beta, sarah

Harry woke to find himself nestled between two crisp white sheets, those of which are only found in the Hogwarts hospital wing.

"So your awake then are you?" Madam Pomfrey thrust herself into view, almost nose to nose with Harry.

"You stupid boy potter, never in all my years of nursing here have I ever experienced such an idiotic act of stupidity as you displayed on Friday. Its Tuesday morning by the way. You slept through most of the withdrawals but you'll still definitely feel uncomfortable. I had to repair spinal damage and countless broken bones after your superman impersonation. I must notify Dumbledore and Draco that you have awoken. Draco's spent every minute here outside of classes. The pain and sadness you've put that boy through Harry. You should be ashamed." Madam Pomfrey wondered off through the hospital wing and into her office, still muttering insults at Harry as she left.

Harry lifted his arm and reached over to retrieve his glasses with great difficulty. Every muscle ached and burned as though he had just completed an intense exercise regime instead of simply reaching over and lifting his glasses. He put them on with shaky hands and the ceiling came into sharp focus. Harry spent the next few minutes staring up at the ceiling, trying to find a segment of his body that didn't feel shit, so far the winner was his left ankle which only twinged when he moved it, instead of making him feel like his hole body was on fire with pain.

After a few minutes of silence he could hear the distant sound of footsteps drawing nearer to the hospital wing. He turned his head to the right towards the door and, in the doorway, saw Albus Dumbledore.

"It's good to see your awake dear boy, very good indeed. The circumstances which brought you here though definitely need some reconsideration. I could get angry at you harry. I would have every reason to stand here and yell at you all afternoon, but I know that will achieve nothing and to be completely honest I have better things to do with my time. Instead I am going to offer you 2 altimatems and allow you to chose your future. The first is you stay in this hospital wing until I feel you are ready to rejoin the day to day trials of life at Hogwarts, you will never touch drugs again while in this castle and you will attend weekly couinciling sessons with the teacher of your choice. the alternative is you stay here until your feeling better, then you leave Hogwarts forever. I will allow you to keep your wand but you are to never set foot back into this castle. And you are to never contact any one within this castle while they reside here. I will not tolerate drugs Harry. It is one of the things in this world I refuse to accept. What is your decision." Dumbledore by this time was right next to harry's bed, staring down at him. Harry turned away from Dumbledore's gaze. He knew what he would like to do. He'd like to tell Dumbledore to get fucked and leave Hogwarts. He'd no longer have the pressure of the future of the wizarding world resting solely on his shoulders. He'd no longer be restricted by the day to day routine of Hogwarts, no longer have to endure the looks of hatred he received off people he once considered his closest friends. He knew what he would chose though. Hogwarts had been the first and only place he had called home. That he had felt he belonged and even though he didn't feel it at the moment he couldn't leave it behind. He also knew Hogwarts was the only place he was safe.

" you already know my answer. So why waste time asking the question?" harry quieried, dragging his eyes back onto Dumbledore.

" To make sure you are still the harry i placed all my trust in." Dumbledore shot harry a last smile before turning and exiting the hospital wing briskly, stopping only to acknowledge Madam Pomfrey.

Harry lifted his shaking hands to his eyes and rubbed vigorously, he was so tired, so drained, but he knew his mind wouldn't let his body rest. He had too much to think about. Harry was so lost in his own thoughts he hardly noticed Draco standing in the far corner of the hospital wing staring at him.

"You going to come and talk to me?" Harry asked, sitting up cross legged on his bed and pulling a pillow onto his lap, hugging it to his chest tightly

"No. you don't deserve communication with Me." he heard draco mutter.

"If you're going to talk to me, draco, at least make it obvious," Harry said, staring right at him

" Why should I? Everything i've done for you in the past you've thrown back in my face,"Draco spat viciously, still refusing to meet harry's eye

"Then why are you here? If I've thrown everything back at you, why are you standing in the corner?" Harry said softly, not wanting to upset the angry teen further than he already had

" i wanted to see if you had really woken up. I also wanted you to know what i have been through the past few days because of you, because of your selfish, self indulgent behaviour."

Draco finally met harry's eyes. they were full of angry tears which draco furiously wiped away.

Harry immediately felt the guilt hit him and he looked down

"I'm sorry, Draco." He merely whispered

" Don't you appologise until you hear what you have done. i walked into my bedroom to see you inject that sickly shit into your viens. i then had to chase your trippin ass through hogwarts to make sure you didn't hurt yourself or anyone else and caught up to you just intime to see you throw yourself off the stairs down to the entrance hall." draco paused, took a deep breath, not taking his eyes

off harry, and continued." I stayed with your bleeding, broken body until someone could get a teacher to come. i didn't know wether you were alive or fucking dead. i spent 12 and a half hours sitting outside the hospital wing until madam pomfrey came out to tell me you'd atleast survive and i have been here every spare minute of my day begging you to wake up and now that you have alls i want to do

is slap you. slap your stupid tragic face." Draco advanced on harry and shoved him hard so he fell flat on his back. Harry didn't attempt to get off or fight back as draco shook him, he just sobbed uncontrolably

iesha says:

Harry didn't know what to do. The guilt caused by the pain he had forced upon Draco increased tenfold. He was surprised to see that Draco was crying to, he pulled Draco ontop of him and hugged him tightly, whispering over and over again about how sorry he was.

draco lifted his tear stained face from harry's chest, dragging himself away from harry, whiping his face on his robes.

" I thought you were dead Harry. to be honest i'd always wished Voldemorte would come and wipe you out but if you died now... it would fucking destroy me. your the only mate i have that i give a shit about and its really scaring me. we're ment to hate eachother pothead. whats

going on?" draco asked, tilting his head and staringdown atharry, complete confusion blanketing his face.

"I don't know, Draco, I honestly don't know." Harry admitted. "If some had told me in third year or something that this would happen, I'd send them to St. Mungos. But now... I'm just so sorry I caused you this... I wish... I don't know."

" I fucking hate it that you threw everything I did for you back in my face. I can barely stand even looking at you. If you were anyone else I would have fucking hexed you into oblivion. i want to hate you so bad harry. I want to be able to walk out of that room and never come back but I know it won't happen. But right now… I can't talk to you. i have to go." Draco turned and walked towards the door. Harry called out to him to come back but he kept walking.

" Mr potter? Mr potter… I have some sleeping potion for you. you need to stay rested so you can get well." Madam pomfrey advanced onto harry, pushing a goblet of potion into his hands. Harry drunk deeply and thanked madam pomfrey who smiled slightly.

" Don't worry harry. Draco will come back," Madam pomfrey assured him just as he dropped off to sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

"Mr. Harry Potter sir, Dobby has bought you food, please wake up Harry Potter, sir or it will be cold, sir." Harry awoke to a high pitch voiced and several nudges to the side of the head.

"What's the matter?" he muttered, sleepily, rolling over and trying to avoid the now more insistent poking.

"Dobby has brought you food Harry Potter sir." Harry rolled over again and opened his eyes, taking in the blurry house elf holding a large tray piled high with food. He stuck out a hand and retrieved his glasses, fumbling to put them on as he sat up and stretched his aching muscles, groaning.

"Are you alright Mr. Harry Potter sir? Is there anything I can do to help Mr. Harry Potter, sir?" Dobby asked eyes wide with concern as he placed the loaded tray on the table next to Harry's bed.

"No, I'm fine Dobby. Did Dumbledore send you up here with the food?" Harry asked, heaving the tray with great difficulty onto his lap. His arms felt so weak, like he hadn't used them in ages. He must ask Madam Pomfrey about that the next time she came to view him.

"No sir, young master Malfoy... I mean Mr. Malfoy did sir. He came down and chose all the things to go on the tray and said to bring you up breakfast tomorrow to Harry Potter sir, I asked him why he didn't want to take it up himself and he got very angry sir and stormed out, I was naughty to question Mr. Malfoy sir… so I got Winky to drop a sauce pan on my foot." Dobby stuck his heavily bandaged foot out so Harry could see.

"Dobby, you've got to stop doing that to yourself," Harry groaned. He wasn't sure how he felt about Draco at that moment. He was lightened by the fact that he took the trouble to make sure he had some proper food to eat but it hurt that he hadn't forgiven him enough to bring the food up himself.

"Its ok Harry Potter sir, Dobby hardly feels his broken toes any more." The elf half grinned, half grimaced.

"Well thanks Dobby. Thanks a lot for bringing this up to me. Maybe you should ask Madam Pomfrey if she can mend your foot for you." Harry asked as he manoeuvred a large chunk of sausage into his mouth, chewing frantically.

"No sir, Dobby must accept his punishment. Goodbye Harry Potter, sir, I will see you in the morning with breakfast sir," Dobby bowed and, with a louder pop then Harry was expecting, disappeared.

Harry consumed his meal in silence, glancing occasionally out the window at the cloudy night outside. The sky looked heavy with darkness, as though it was about to break free from its bindings and come crashing to the ground. A huge storm was brewing and Harry couldn't wait. He always slept better with the thunder crashing outside and rain splattering the windows to serenade him off to sleep.

After he ate all he could the plates magically cleaned themselves. Harry grinned and placed the tray on the table next to his bed. This form of simple magic always amused him. Stretching again Harry allowed his body to flop onto the bed, his head sinking into the pillow. Harry pulled the covers right up to his chin and snuggled deep into the bed just as the first drops of rain fell. Harry rolled over to face the window and watched the storm build momentum. The flashes of lightening flashed so brilliantly the whole room lit up and was accompanied seconds later by bursts of deafening thunder. Harry grinned as the rain threw itself against the windowpane. He was so caught up in the rain he didn't notice Hedwig flutter into the room until she landed softly on his hip. Starting and nearly knocking Hedwig off again he untied the envelope from her foot, stroking her softly as he read the now familiar scrawl on the slightly wet envelope.

Dear you,

You didn't reply to my last email… I hope I didn't freak you out with all that stuff…perhaps your just busy with homework. I know I have been…and with other stuff. I hate this teenage hormone thing that's going around where you suddenly develop a fondness for people.

In case you didn't guess I think I have a crush. But it's one of those crush's were nothing can come of it. We're in different houses and different worlds. But they're such a special… beautiful person. An aggravating fuck, but beautiful.

My worlds a little hectic at the moment… so if I don't reply right away give me some time. I need to sort out my head and I wish I could tell you everything but I can't… because to be honest I don't know everything. The people in my life want so much from me and I can only give what I have. Nothing more. I have to do something terrible to this beauty I'm crushing on and I don't know whether I will have the strength to do it. Any way… enough of my senseless babbling. Please reply. I miss your words.

From me.

Harry sighed and leant back into the pillow. The rain was still pelting down. Harry suddenly remembered the familiar envelope he noticed in the Slytherin common room. The one he had bent down to pick up but had to leave it. His pen pal was a Slytherin.

Dear Mr. Pen pal.

I found out something about you that I don't like. You're a Slytherin and all the Slytherins I know are assholes. You seem to be different but how can I be sure. I'm sorry you're having all these problems but this revelation has left me confused. I'm also sorry I didn't write earlier… your right… school has gotten in the way a little bit.

You seem a really great person… and I do want to continue to write to you. You're like a comfort I can't find with my other friends. An anonymous (well not as anonymous as you were) person who I can vent to and who vents back. You're almost like a diary I write in, but your write back to me. (Sorry to compare you to an inanimate object.)

Any way. I dunno. I suppose we just keep writing. We have to anyway to fill Dumbledore's requirements.

I hope enjoying the storm. It really is incredible.

From me.

Harry jotted this down quickly with the pen and pad he found in his drawer, quickly tying it to Hedwig's leg with the big of string the other letter was tied to and sent her on her way, stroking her head several times before she took off. Harry snuggled down into his bed again to watch the storm raging outside, thinking of his pen pal; of whether Draco would ever forgive him and how alone he felt lying in the hospital bed. Madam Pomfrey bustled in half an hour later, checking his stats and watching as he gulped down a potion she handed to him. It was chunky and warm…almost like vomit. Harry had this thought it mid swallow and almost wretched but forced himself to swallow, not wanting to experience Madam Pomfrey's reaction if he spat it all over the clean white sheets.

To Harry's surprise moments later Hedwig fluttered past Madam Pomfrey and landed on the bedside table look wet and bedraggled, holding out her foot obediently. Harry raised his eyebrows and untied the surprisingly bone dry envelope opening it quickly and unfolding the note inside

Dear You,

I can't help what house I am in and the reputation we have. I am a proud Slytherin and proud of the attributes that make the house what it is. I'm glad it won't get into the way of our pen pal...thing. I'm so glad you wrote back quickly.. I thought you had gone a bit off me after the whole long letter about my life. I like it…being compared to a diary. It makes me feel like you trust me and I haven't felt someone place their trust in me for a long time.

I'm so tired at the moment though. I keep trying to please everyone and I don't mind doing so… it's just when it backfires or goes unappreciated that I get so tired of it. I wish I could just be the person I was last year, the year before that. Carefree. But I suppose that's never going to happen.

When you write letters and its stormy outside you need to charm them so they repel water sir. I could just make out your writing after several repair charms and the owl you borrowed seemed to be getting incredibly impatient with me. Moody thing.

Any way I hope this finds you well. Don't reply tonight. Get some sleep. Big day of schoolness tomorrow.

From me.

Harry grinned and added the letter to the other in the draw of his bedside table. It was good to hear from his pen pal. Like the comforting words of an old friend almost. But he missed Draco. It was Harry's fault he was gone. If only he could just talk to him. Explain to him that he appreciated his help and kindness and the fact that he actually gave a shit about him. Harry, for the last time that night, snuggled deep down into his bed and rested his head on his pillow. Perhaps the rain would wash away all the shit from Harry's life and he would awake to find a fresh, new chance.

When Harry did awake the next morning he didn't wake to find a fresh new start, but a slightly soggy Draco holding a tray of breakfast foods, standing at the edge of his bed.

"Bloody Peeves. He seems to go even nuttier when its raining, he was pelting everyone with water bombs again, the crazy git, until the Bloody Baron walked in that is. Um... here's your breakfast. How are you feeling?"

Harry looked up at Draco in surprise, rubbed his eyes and looked up at him again… he was still there… it wasn't a dream.

" Fine. Really cramped and a bit sore but fine. I'm so sorry Draco. I'm sorry for fucking up." Harry added tentatively, wanting to tell Draco he was sorry but not wanting Draco to get annoyed.

" It's alright… I suppose I realized I wasn't the reason you fell of the wagon. I wasn't enough help for you but that's neither of our faults. You're in the right hands now and I can be an innocent bystander and observe your recovery… instead of trying to control it. Any way I best be off. I need to have breakfast to before lessons start. I'll try and come back during break though." Draco said all this very fast as he set down Harry's tray, collected his book bag and nodded his goodbye at Harry before walking out of the hospital wing.

Draco did come back at lunch time… and at dinner he even enlisted the help of one of the elves to bring up a dinner tray of his own so they could eat together.

" I hate to ask this Draco," Harry said, his mouth half food of chicken, " but do Ron and Hermione know what happened." Draco, who had been smiling contently, suddenly looked incredibly pissed off.

" I told them the morning after it happened, after I found out you were alright. All that blood traitor Ron said was 'A shame he didn't die,' So I hexed him. The mudblood seemed a bit more sympathetic… until her boyfriend sprouted 8 extra ears." Draco grinned coyly at Harry, who returned the smile reluctantly. Ron wished he had died. His friendship with his two once best friends was really over.

Seeing the look on Harry's face Draco stopped grinning and tried to think of something to say, but no words came to him. Eventually he settled with, "You don't need friends like that Harry. Not if they're going to desert you just because you go through a rough patch."

Harry just nodded and continued eating. When he finished he placed the tray on his bedside table and crossed his legs. He could feel Draco staring at him but he looked over his shoulder, pretending to take great interest in the empty bed across from him.

" You know what you need," Said Draco wisely, gulping down the remainder of his beverage.

" What's that?" Harry asked, sighing, wandering what words of wisdom Draco was about to impart upon him.

" A shower and some clean clothes, you filthy bitch," Draco said, grinning and throwing a towel at Harry.

"I'm not sure wether to be offended or not." Harry grinned back and took the towel and a change of clothes to the infirmary bathroom, smiling at Madam Pomfrey as she past.

" He's just having a shower," Draco told her as she approached and she nodded, sitting in the chair on the opposite side of the bed.

" I'm glad you forgave him, Draco. He could really use some genuine friends right now," Madam Pomfrey smiled one of her rare smiles at Draco, genuinely proud of his maturity in the situation.

" It wasn't a case of forgiving him, it was a case of accepting I wasn't enough to help him. I thought because I had been through some bad stuff I had enough insight to help him, but I suppose it was actually more selfish then that. I wanted to control the situation and be the reason he got healthy and gave up that liquid shit." Draco glanced up at Madam Pomfrey who ignored his swearing and was concentrating more on what he said… rather then how he said it.

" You know I think very highly of you... and I hope you do of me also… which is why I feel I can say this to you. If you like him so much tell him. He already knows your preferred sexuality… why not see if he possibly feels the same way? I very much doubt you would lose his friendship if he didn't… not after what you two have already been through. Take a chance and for once in your life step out of your comfort zone." Madam Pomfrey shot him one last smile before groaning to her feet and bustling off to restock her potions cabinet with fresh supplies from Professor Snape.

Draco sat for a few moments more, contemplating what Madam Pomfrey had just told him. Seizing the pad and pen on Harry's bedside table and scrawled him a quick note to say he had gone for a walk but would be back later… he needed time to think.

By the time Harry got out of the shower the mirror was so fogged up Harry could barely see the outline of his body, let alone distinguish any features. With the corner of his towel Harry wiped down the mirror until he could see himself before standing back and taking a good look. The first word that came to mind was gaunt. He looked gaunt and stretched. Like his skin had shrunk one size and was slightly too small for his body now. He knew it was from lack of sleep and stress but it creeped him out. He could barely recognize himself any more. Like he had completely changed physically without anyone telling him. He kind of missed looking into the mirror and seeing the slightly nerdy, messy haired, but smiling kid he used to see instead of this mere shadow of his former self. But he supposed everything had just caught up to him, all the pain, all the shit, just like the drugs had been lurking inside his body and where now being flushed out, but before that could happen he knew he needed to treat the cause…otherwise nothing would change. He'd just be clean and depressed instead of drugfucked and depressed. Harry changed into the black boxers and white t-shirt that had been sitting on his bed. All his clothing had been removed from the Room of Requirement and though he could no longer stay there, Dumbledore had sent a letter explaining that they would find him alternative accommodation for when he got out of the Hospital Wing.

After he finished dressing Harry returned to the main section of the infirmary, only to find it empty. He knew Madam Pomfrey would be in her office but he had expected Draco to wait for him to finish his shower so they could talk some more… or at least say goodbye.

Crestfallen, Harry sat on his bed cross-legged again until he noticed the note on his bedside table. Picking it up he read,

Dear Harry,

I hope you enjoy your shower. Sorry I didn't wait for you but I needed some fresh air so I could think.

I'll be back later but if you get tired don't wait up for me to come back though.

At some stage I think you and me need to have a talk.

Any way, see you soon,

Draco

Harry re folded the letter and put it back on his bedside table. What on earth could Draco possibly need to discuss with him? He wished he could leave. Go for a walk or to the library or something, just to get out of the damn infirmary but he knew that wasn't an option. Madam Pomfrey had made it clear to him he wasn't to leave the hospital wing until Dumbledore decided he was ready to, so until then he would just have to suffer never ending boredom.

It was after curfew when Draco finally found himself heading down the familiar hallway to the Hospital Wing. He had been wondering for hours. He had received a letter from his father congratulating him on his progress. It had been the first letter he had ever received at Hogwarts in which his father actually seemed proud to have him as a son. He felt torn on the inside, not sure what to do. He knew it was his duty to complete his mission but he never thought that getting close to Potter would feel like it did. Harry had changed from the pompous up himself asshole to a genuine friend and someone who needed him. Draco stopped outside the door to the infirmary and neatened himself up before going in, he was a Malfoy after all, and Malfoys always needed to look their best.

Harry was lying down with his eyes closed when Draco re entered the hospital wing. He had sat up waiting for Draco to return for hours and decided he probably wasn't going to come back so was surprised when he heard the hospital wing door open quietly and almost giggled when Draco swore loudly as the door slammed shut.

" Glad you find it amusing. Madam Pomfrey won't if she catches me in here this late." Draco said, making his way over to Harry and sitting down on the edge of his bed.

" She'll get over it… what is it you wanted to talk to me about?" Harry asked, comforted by Draco being so close, he obviously wasn't angry any more.

" Nothing terribly important. It's just that… I'm all confused… you know?" Draco knew he was making no sense what so ever but wasn't really sure how to express the terrible weight in his chest that seemed to lift every time he was near Harry. Except for the times he was throwing up all over him and calling him a beached whale, that is.

" Not really, no. " Harry confessed before falling silent, allowing Draco to say whatever it is he wanted to say.

" You know what? It's to late to have such serious discussions. How about I let you get to sleep and we'll continue in the morning huh?" Draco stood and Harry opened his mouth to stop him but realized Draco was going to leave him here alone tonight, whether he wanted him to or not.

"Alright, don't think you're getting off that easily though, we're continuing this conversation in the morning… night Draco." Draco smiled and turned to leave as Harry snuggled down deep into his bed. Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.

Harry awoke to find a plate of scrambled eggs, toast and sausages next to his bed, sitting on a tray with a tall glass of orange juice. He grinned widely and sat up, pulling the tray onto his lap and searching his bedside table for a knife and fork, just as the hospital wing door opened.

" I forgot the cutlery!" Draco declared, holding the knife and fork over his head in victory.

Harry laughed and Draco threw the cutlery to him.

" About last night. What I wanted to say is I don't hate you. Far from it. I enjoy your company immensely and I hope you enjoy mine the same. It feel so ridiculous in this situation. Me being a Malfoy and you being the boy, I'm meant to hate you, but that's the way it is. I'm not going to change though Harry… I'm not going to suddenly become a muggle loving, Dumbledore admiring good boy such as yourself… but I can't hate you any more. Not after what we've been through." Draco said this all very quickly and Harry had the sneaking suspicion it had been well rehearsed.

" I like you for who you are, not for being a Malfoy. I like your snide remarks, sarcastic sense of humour. And I'm glad you don't hate me. I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship," Harry grinned, chucking in the cliché muggle line expecting Draco to look either confused or horrified.

" Here's looking at you kid," Draco replied, stealing a swig of Harry's orange juice.

A/N ok, its done. It took forever and I'm so sorry but it is done. The next chapter won't take so long to get finished. I had horrible writers block and then got really busy so yeah. Ok kids, love you all, special thanks to all those who reviewed, you all make me smile and make me want to write more. In case you guys where hanging out for one of those fics where Harry changes Draco into " one of the good guys" you should stop reading cause that's not going to happen. We all love Draco cause he's a smart-ass badass guy and I'm keeping him that way. Any way, happy reading.


	16. Finally

A/N my original reviewers have probably died of old age since the last chapter. Its been a busy start to the year but that's no excuse. I love you all, well actually I only love you if you like my chapter. HAHAHA I love emotional blackmail. P.s I love my beta unconditionally for unraveling the drivel and turning it into a story XoXo

Harry and Draco continued to see each other regularly. Whether it was sitting around listening to music or debating the world's problems; pitting their competitive, homicidal chess pieces against one another.

Only three days after their conversation, Harry found himself feeling stronger. He felt healthier and, most importantly, happier then he had felt in a very long time. These good vibes continued to put a smile on his face until later that afternoon after Draco had left for the evening. Dumbledore swept into the hospital wing, starling Harry from his book.

"Harry, I don't have much time to chat, I have a meeting with an old, well ancient really, school friend scheduled for dinner time. I have heard from Madam Pomfrey that lately you have improved immensely, and I was wondering how you would feel about returning to school?" Dumbledore remained standing, though chairs were available, towering over Harry who was sitting in a chair by the infirmary window.

"I'd love to get back into the swing of things professor, but isn't Christmas holidays coming up?" Harry closed the book he was reading and let it fall into his lap. If he were honest with himself, the thought of returning to classes terrified him. Even thinking about having to spend lessons with Ron and Hermione made his head and heart ache.

"Well yes, that is true but I thought it would be better if you spent the holidays getting used to being back in the school without the pressure of attending classes rather then throwing you in the deep end."

Harry nodded. "Fair enough… but what about where am I going to sleep? Because I'm not going back to Gryffindor…it's not going to happen."

Dumbledore smiled slightly. "Well Harry, it just so happens our house elf supervisor has been dismissed. Apparently cooking and cleaning weren't the only services Mr. Hanalgin got the house elves to provide."

"I've never seen anyone called Mr. Hanalgin before?"

"No he was a bit of a weird one… only come out at night. Thought I suppose the truly weird ones always do. Any way that's not the point. His room has been vacated, thoroughly cleaned and, of course, and his sheets burnt. It's located near the kitchen which is excellent for those who enjoy the odd midnight snack. And not to be rude, Harry, but you look like you could use a dose of Mrs Weasley's cooking."

Harry looked away from Dumbledore and out the window. The thought that he would probably never be in the Burrow again, never sit around the dining table with the whole Weasley gang enjoying a feast of incredible cooking, was almost enough to bring him to tears.

"I assume by the look on your face the problems between yourself, Ron and Hermione haven't resolved themselves?" Dumbledore asked, finally taking a seat across from him, placing his elbows onto his knees and resting his chin against the top of his hands.

"No. I don't think they ever will. To much has happened, and to be honest I'm almost sure it's for the best." Harry looked up at Dumbledore and managed a smile.

"You're a liar Harry. I don't mind if you lie to me, but lying to yourself is just sad. I think that if you had the chance to be friends with Ron and Hermione again you would do anything to do so. But if you want to remain in denial, that's your choice I suppose. At least you still have Malfoy. He's still around isn't he?"

Before Harry could stop himself he smiled widely and Dumbledore shot him a strange look.

"Um, yeah. He's a good mate. Which I know is strange. I don't know. I think I trust him but I still know that there are so many reasons not to." Dumbledore nodded and flexed his fingers beneath his chin.

"I obviously have spies within and also outside Hogwarts, Harry. And I have heard certain things that make me wary of young Malfoy; I'm not saying he isn't to be trusted. I just expect you to be smart enough to be cautious around him. Well Harry, as I said previously, I have another engagement to get to so I shall bid you farewell. I will stop by in the next couple of days to arrange your discharge but until then, behave." Dumbledore stood, shook Harry's hand and exited the room, leaving Harry alone with only his book for company. Harry continued to read until dinner time. The doors to the hospital wing opened again. Harry, expecting it to be Dobby with his dinner, put his book down but was surprised to find a very intimidated looking Hermione standing half in, half out of the door way.

"What do you want?" Harry demanded. He didn't mean to be rude. He was just shocked that she was there in front of him.

"Hi Harry, um, I ran into Dumbledore on the way back from the library and he said it might be a good idea that I come and talk to you."

"So you're here on Dumbledore's orders? In that case you can piss off." Harry picked the book up again and pretended to read, ignoring Hermione as she advanced and sat in the seat opposite him.

"Dumbledore isn't the only reason I'm here, Harry. He just seemed like a good excuse to come. I miss you… Ron misses you. I know he does on the inside… if only you would apologise to him."

Harry stood angrily, letting his book tumble to the floor.

"Apologise to him? Apologise to him for what? For his fuck wit brothers giving me fucking heroin? For, in a moment of loneliness, having sex with Ginny? For him being such a bully, snoopy bastard that he bullied her into telling him about it? For paying him back for being an asshole? I don't think so Hermione. Because guess what. I'm not sorry. All these things showed me who my true friends are and you two certainly don't fall under that category." Harry fell back into his chair, fuming with pent up emotions that he had been keeping inside for weeks.

"Oh Harry for God's sake get off your damn high horse. We have been with you for 4 years, though thick and thin no matter what. We've risked our lives over those four years to keep you safe and to help you and provide support for you in any way we could, and you're going to through that all away over one little mistake? And for what? A friendship only a few months old with someone who used to be your enemy?" Hermione was surprised by how bitter Harry was towards her and how filled with resentment he seemed to be. She had thought that her coming here and talking to him would be the first step toward re building their friendship but she had obviously been wrong.

"You guys were there for me over the years, I'm not denying that. But you were there when the enemies were external, where whether I died or not was out of my control. Where were you when I was battling my inner demons? When the effects of the drugs got so bad that I didn't want to live any more? And then where were you when I tried to get off them? Who held my hair back when I threw up and wiped my face afterwards? Where were you through all the fits and the agony of the withdrawal symptoms? The only person I had was Draco. He was it and he went through so much, so fucking much and he's still here, right by my side. Where are you guys huh?" Harry wasn't angry any more, just sad. He was sad that these people who he had believed to be friends weren't there for him anymore.

"Harry I'm sorry. We messed up, ok? But I miss you so much and I want you back as a friend. I can't talk for Ron but I do. Even if it means accepting Draco as your partner…"

"Sorry, as what excuse me?" Harry was shocked; sure he must have heard her wrong.

"As your partner… I just assumed… you're always spending heaps of time together and every time you talk about him you speak with such passion."

"No… we're just friends..."

"Is that all you want to be with him though?" Hermione crossed her arms and shot him her "_I know your hiding something from me so... spill_" gaze. Harry's first reaction was to get angry, to get furious at Hermione for insinuating he was a faggot. But then he thought about it. The way Draco made him feel when he was around. The inappropriate thoughts he had been trying to flush out of his mind but not being able to succeed. The way he found himself admiring Draco's body and his porcelain beautiful face.

"To be honest with you… I don't know"

-+-

It had just passed midnight when Draco, so frustrated with not being able to sleep, swung his legs over the side of his bed and sat up to put his slippers on. Deciding the fresh air would do him good Draco pulled a jumper on over his pyjamas before padding silently out of the dormitory and down into the common room. There was a young couple pashing in the corner. They didn't seem to know or care that Draco had entered the room. Chuckling, Draco continued out the common room and down the stoned hallway and up into the main building of Hogwarts.

Draco wasn't mindful of the noise he was making. He knew for a fact that Snape and Filch were patrolling the corridors that night and they were wound tightly around his little finger. Draco wondered down the main staircase before making his way across the Entrance Hall and out the main doors of Hogwarts and into the grounds.

A crisp fresh breeze swept across his face, washing away his sleepiness and frustrations and leaving him feeling new. He hated it when he couldn't sleep. The thousands of thoughts flooding through his brain, dancing across his consciousness before disappearing, too quickly for him to really ponder them. It always made him feel better going on midnight strolls…even if only until the next morning when he woke after only a few hours sleep to a full days school work.

The grass was soggy beneath his feet with dew and the moon was high in the sky, only a few days away from being full meaning not only did Draco not struggle to see but the whole grounds seemed to be glowing under a pale spotlight. As Draco strolled in the direction of the lake he noticed a silhouette against the lake. A black lump that slowly took the form of someone sitting with their head on their knees hugging themselves. Draco knew who it was but didn't call out. Instead he strolled up, his hands deep inside the pockets of his pyjama pants to keep them warm and plonked himself down next to the lump.

"Hi Harry."

Harry turned as someone sat next to him; startled, thinking it was Madam Pomfrey… Filch… or even Dumbledore himself coming down to bust him for being out of the hospital wing, especially at this hour. He was relieved when he found himself face to face with Draco, who looked tired and troubled.

"Hi Harry."

"Oh, fuck Draco, you scared me… what's up?" Draco was so close Harry could smell him, the general smell boys seem to have mixed with the cologne Draco had been wearing that day lingered in the air between them. Draco crossed his arms in front of him and stared out over the lake, avoiding Harry's gaze.

"I couldn't sleep…too much on my mind… you know how it is." Finally Draco turned and met Harry's stare. Butterfly's suddenly filled Harry's stomach and he swallowed hard. The same feeling in his gut Cho used to give him when he first started liking her.

A voice in the back of his head constantly chanted "this is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong" but Harry could no longer help the way he felt. Closing his eyes Harry held his breath and finally allowed the thought "I like Draco more then a friend" to enter his mind and flood his soul.

The release of pressure and the relief he felt at finally admitting it to himself was almost enough to bring him to tears. The self hatred and fear he had felt over the past few weeks drained from him and he felt his whole body relax.

"Harry? Are you alright?" Draco watched Harry's epiphany, unaware of what was going on in Harry's head. Harry nodded and opened his eyes. His body was suddenly filled with fear again at the thought of Draco finding out how he felt. If Draco rejected him at this point, his embarrassment and disappointment would be overwhelming.

He had to tell him though. He couldn't let the moment pass otherwise he would never tell Draco and a lifetime of 'what ifs' would remain forever.

"Draco, I think I have a new addiction," Harry tightened his grip around his knees, pulling them even closer up to his chest, hoping they would somehow lessen the emotional blow of Draco's rejection.

This stunned Draco. After all he had been through with this asshole, with this inconsiderate prick, he was about to load another pile of shit onto Draco's already over flowing plate?

"What the hell do you mean another addiction? What could you possibly have fucked up now? Jesus. Harry, you're a fuckwit. How could you do this? How could you stuff up again? What is it now? Cocaine? Alcohol? What?" Draco stood and towered over Harry, reigning down upon him.

"No Draco… I don't mean anything like that… I... I shouldn't have put it like that…" Harry was steadily losing his nerve as Draco's anger rained down upon him. How could this person possibly have feelings for him?

"What do you mean then Harry?"

"I… I think I like you Draco. More then a friend." It sounded so juvenile now that Harry had finally said it out loud. So weak and pathetic that he wished he could open his mouth and jam the words back in.

Draco stopped and shook his head. He had to have heard him wrong. How could Harry Potter, this gorgeous, fragile, fuckable little thing, like the big bad Draco Malfoy.

"Don't mess with my head Potter. If this is meant to be some " ha ha Draco's a fag" joke then stop it right now and we'll forget it ever happened" Draco sat back down, a bit further away from Harry then he had been before.

This disheartened Harry and he almost agreed. "Yes Draco… it was just a fag joke" it would have been so much easier to deal with. Draco smacking the shit out of him would have been much less painful then him saying he didn't like him back.

"I'm not joking. I'm being completely one hundred percent honest and it's fucking killing me. I hate likening you Draco, but I do and it's not going away any time soon. I understand if you don't like me back… how could you? But I had to tell you… I had to get it out of my system." Harry looked back out over the lake. His eyes started to well up and though he willed it with all its might not to happen he began to cry. Big fat tears rolling down his cheek and falling off his chin. Suddenly he felt a rough hand against his cheek wiping the tears away. He looked at Draco, who looked terrified. Suddenly Draco pulled Harry towards him and kissed him roughly on the lips.

Harry sighed against Draco's lips. It wasn't like kissing a girl, soft and tender and tedious. This kiss was rough, hungry, passionate, and desperate. Draco's hand moved from Harry's cheek to the back of his head. Holding Harry against him, grabbing his hair, not wanting to ever let go.

After want seemed like hours Draco let go and Harry slowly moved away, licking his lips before wiping them against his jumper.

"I think I like you to Harry." Draco whispered and then grinned. Harry began to laugh, more out of relief then the stupidity of Draco's last statement. Draco began to laugh to and moved behind Harry, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and resting his forehead on the back of Harry's neck. It felt so good to finally be this close to him. His sleepless nights of worrying about whether his feelings for Harry were mutual where certainly worth this.

"You know they are letting me out of the hospital wing in the next few weeks." Harry leaned back against Draco.

"Really? That's great!"

"Yeah… I also get a room to myself to…so…yeah" Harry grinned and Draco chuckled, kissing Harry's neck.

"You're a cheeky bastard. One second your all meek and mild and the next you think you're a stud. How about we take this slow huh? Let's not fuck it up."

Harry nodded. He wasn't sure whether he should be insulted, but right now he was too high on the adrenalin of this forbidden snuggle that he didn't care.

"Well Potter. We better head back up to the castle… if Madam Pomfrey finds out you've escaped she'll have my balls and keep you prisoner until graduation."

_**Note from the beta: I've been on this child's back about this for months, so leave some damn good reviews! Love Sezza Rikda!**_


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